How to Reach Your Full Potential

Experience tells us what to do and what not to do and confidence allows us to do it or do the unthinkable with no regrets. When we don't have confidence we live in the spiral of our fears and those fears can take a negative toll and control over our lives. We need to take care of our personal welfare, which is a lot like spiritual warefare and stamp negative forces out of our lives. The secret to successfully doing this is to start by cleaning up unfinished business. This does not mean you need to go backwards and revisit bad relationships. The only bad relationship you need to relook at is the one you have with yourself. It is time to take a hard look at your life choices. It's not about what your parents did and how they did it, it's not a blame game...this is about you and WHY you haven been a poor decision maker. We are full of excuses and (the bad word that starts with an S). We know when we have gone down the beaten path that is only going to beat us up and make us question our judgment, our sanity, our entire being - yet we love the drama of digging ourselves out of our pile of crap. That in itself makes us feel GRAND! I spent years hooked into the syndrome of choosing men who were a mess and who could not value a good thing. I actual had a boyfriend who was a "piece of (SH-T)" for Halloween. It was this very boyfriend who I CHOSE to be with over a pretty accomplished guy who was a Navy Seal and who adored me. I thought in my warped mine, I had a purpose to save the pain inflicting drama king from his own demons. The result was I nearly got shot, stabbed and killed. Who told me I was John of Arc and had Christian Super Powers bigger than God to chase his demons away? Some warped voice in my head that would like to be so mighty and being a Christian I thought this was an obligation. I would never want to abandon him while he went through crisis after crisis. I felt I had to stick by him through his darkest moments.

WE are our worst enemies and we sabotage & lie to ourselves about our own truth and how we really feel about people & situations. We don't want to admit what we are really feeling on the inside. We create a life full of suffering, negative results and hold others accountable for the fact we lack enough confidence to set things up differently. We stay being mediocre and act as though we have no control over our lives and it is someone elses fault. We are much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. I am not sure why we dim the light inside of us. I'm guessing it is just safer and helps us fit in to what we associate as "normal" or "socially acceptable". Some of us hate to rock the boat and are not risk takers. Society keeps us suppressed and so can some relationships. Many people do try to get help to find themselves and do use resources such as therapy, spiritual guidance, medications, books, etc. But, honestly if you are not actively changing your defaults and getting out of your comfort zone - - NOTHING will look or feel different. What you need is inspiration or someone or something that resonates with you in a way that it hits a chord inside of you that says AHA!

It is the AHA moment something mystical something magical shifts and you begin to let your light shine. If it is not an epiphany you will go AHA, I get it, but I'm not brave enough to take a step in a new direction. The trick is it has to make you tick in a different direction. You have to relentlessly trust yourself, have faith and believe in the outcome. This is the path to confidence. If you continue on the same path life will pass you buy and you at old age will be ho humming the same old tune. I can guarantee it! I'm always setting goals & planning my next achievements. This is very strategic so that I get the most out of my life. I love the idea of having a Bucket List & every year talking a few thing on it.

Why would anyone choose the insanity of doing the same thing over and over and not getting a different result. I have friends like this that just complain about the same issue and over and over. I ask well did you try this, I suggest that and they really prefer just to rant about the same thing rather than take measures to create more peace for themselves. What's painful, is MY EAR that has to hear it over and over again. I would love to take out a tape recorder and just allow these people to hear themselves so they can develop awareness of how draining they are to other people and how neurotic they sound. If you know you have bad taste in the opposite sex than go with something less comfortable for you. See life as an experiment to figure out what will and won't work for you.  We stereotype, judge and expect things to look and be a certain way. Not everything fits in a box the way we had planned or expect. Learn to flow with the tides/energy a bit and allow it to take form in ways that you may not have expected. You don't have to contain and control every aspect  of yourself and others to live fully! In fact, that does the opposite. This stunts our perceptions and opportunities tremendously and shuts us off from things that actually could make us very happy and give us great faith in our lives. Things do work out even when they go an unexpected direction.

Our lifestyle, the people in it, our bodies, our choices - OUR LIFE may be lead by higher powers, but overall it is your palette to paint, create, explore all the colorful things life has to offer. Try something new, something out of your comfort zone. I did it 3 years ago and actually wound up engaged to a nice guy. The day I met him I decided to change my default with my "type" of guy.  Now that I have changed my confidence factor I revel in it and know I earned it because I make choices to surround myself with people who like me and I truly like them. 

One thing that holds us back from the confidence factor is based on the choices we make everyday and how we interpret our choices. We cannot lie to ourselves because our body will let us know and our mind will weaken. Poor decisions lead to poor results in life that lead us to nothing but low self esteem which cyclically leads to more bad choices, to a very sad life and outlook on it. This is how people wind up suicidal, mentally breaking down, in mediocre lives living fantasies, daydreaming about the what ifs....we look at every decision we make as positive or negative. We need to pause before we leap and sometimes we need to just leap because the voice has been shouting DO IT for so long that we have to stop being paralyzed by our fears.

Sitting in our own discomfort for some reason at times feels better than throwing yourself a life raft. We will allow disease to set in, addiction to form, neglect ourselves all symptoms of a big problem in action that is getting bigger...but there are always consequences around the corner when we make bad choices that leave you with the worst of all things - a bad conscience. YOU CHOSE TO IGNORE WHAT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO DO TO CHANGE IT and BAM life kicks you right in your Fat Ass One Day and says "time to wake up and smell the coffee buddy. You wanna play games with yourself, do you? And we get hit by a mack truck cause god thinks it's funny to scare us into a reality check!

What  would your life will look like if you had confidence about that one Achilles Heel schema that you seem to suffer from? Uncensor it...it may mean leaving your partner, working out over your kids dinner and bedtime, taking a trip by yourself, dumping someone you can already see based on their patterns has too much baggage for you to pick up. We all would like to believe we have the best of intentions, are doing our best, "trying"...I call bullshit. A spade is a spade, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it is a duck. Stop pretending you are so nice, loving, standing by your marriage, doing things for the kids...Life is short, we need to make quick strategic decisions. They can be heartfelt, but if your heart is telling you to love a crack head that robs you and that you need to stay there and love this poor dark soul, well smell the coffee, YOUR HEART IS LYING TO YOU. When did the bible say keep your children in households of addictions and alcoholism or let a man beat you because he loves you?

The best is when we compare ourselves to others to rationalize things - Yes, but let's remember Ted Bundy, the serial killer was a father, good neighbor, nice guy and husband. On programs, people love to see "well I did so much better than I used to"....right there comes the rationalization of how they cheated themselves and why it is okay.  It seems some just prefer self inflicted bad habits and can't face or stop it regardless of how they affect family, friends even their own children. This is a person who is not ready for love because they do not love themselves. Deep problems can be resolved over night though with just one AHA, light bulb moment. What's the need for years of therpay. Just make up your mind to live your life fully.  

Just wake up one morning, smell the coffee and begin to commit yourself to one thing - taking care of your own personal welfare. You can still balance this with caring for other people. When we do -  magically, we are gifted with what we really deserve real people, a life of integrity and mystical gifts that come in ways we least expect it.  The laws of karma are real. What needs to be sacrificed in order to have true JOY? I would say sacrifice one big thing - SELF AVOIDANCE.   Facing your fears is scarry, but is the secret to developing confidence. I am a testimonial to this and can tell you where I am is a lot better place than nearly being shot, stabbed and killed by an abusive drug addicted boyfriend who I let rob me of my integrity. I had to finally face the music that I had a very unresolved past with my childhood and this helped me take action to heal & discover myself more deeply. If you play with fire, expect to get burned. Snap out of it! We are all equal and all capable of reaching our full potential.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tock....

Sugar

If we do not utilize the sugar in our bodies by expending energy, it turns to fat. This is a fitness fact that most of us know. What many do not know is how sugar causes us to age prematurely, as well. This is why so many alcoholics look older. Not only does an overload of sugar weather your face, but it is also toxic for your liver.

Sugars are: fructose, Lactose, sucrose

Fruit sugars (fructose) are seen as helpful because of the vitamins and antioxidants they have. However, sugar is sugar and if again, not utilized it turns to fat. This is the same for lactose (dairy products) and simple sugars or starchy and whole grain carbs. Sugar is a gut wrencher that loves to posses the midesection of the body and is the culprit for those who acquire diabetes, in most cases.

When glycation occurs sugar will attack collagen and elastin, which are key elements that lead to preservation of the fountain of youth. When this process occurs it mutates and creates more by products aside from lines and wrinkles. It creates advanced glycation (AGE)s. Further damage occurs. The best way to counteract this is to stick with clean foods. This means keeping food in it's most organic form - no sauces, salts, chemicals, additives or sugars.

Many people do not realize that they even have what is called low blood sugar or hypoglycemia. There is so much attention now around high blood sugar or Type 1 and 2 Diabetes. Low blood sugar is dangerous and can lead to a coma. Symptoms include:  chronic fatigue, weight gain, slow metabolism, irritability, cravings, PMS, yeast infections and damage to organs. You can go through bouts of low blood sugar, which may not always give you a diagnosis of having this disease. It happens often with bodybuilding, figure or fitness competitor diets and is a big contributor why many gain so much weight after restrictive meal plans that have the absence of whole grain carbs. Whole grain carbs and fiber are helpful in balancing sugar levels. Also eating every 2.5 -3 hours will keep them balanced. 

Many people do not realize the direct link between sugar and their immune system. Sugar also directly effects our brain and ability to concentrate. When your blood sugar is low, it can actually impair your memory. Your body cannot adapt to a quick jolt of sugar without side effects. High glycemic index sugars weigh heavily on your body and your brain. After a workout, your body has low blood sugar, so adding something that has a high glycemic index, such as a piece of fruit (fructose) is okay and will restore sugar levels to a point of balance. Just by eating differently and timing how you eat your carbohydrates can make all the difference is whether your brain shrinks and you age more quickly.

Obviously, it can cause you also to crash and feel tired. Using a low glycemic carb, such as oats or some form of a fibrous carb has a time released effect on the body. The sugar comes into the body and metabolizes more slowly so you have sustained energy throughout the day. This is ideal if you are going to do an endurance activity over a long period of time. Ideally, you should begin to inspect labels. Five grams of sugars is all you should get per serving, unless you are approaching some form of activity that will have utilizing a lot of energy. Sugars are beneficial at this time. However, getting a nutritious source of sugar over something like a donut that lacks substance, is never your best bet. Empty calories can cause you to crave foods because your body in actuality is craving something nutritious. This is only a signal that your body is off balance not only because of sugar, but due to vital nutrients.

A mistake people often makes is with Breakfast. The most common breakfast is cereal and juice. Let's look at the labels on your cereal. It is no surprise that this leads to a major sugar crash early in the day and is directly what causes people to fatigue faster at work. Concentration becomes harder and productivity lessens. There are misconceptions about oatmeal, for instance. It's healthy right? Not if it is in a packet and has apples and cinnamon or other additives. That will up the sugar significantly. What we are giving our kids for breakfast is a huge contributor of ADD and hyperactivity. Kids actually are having trouble learning because of low sugar levels within a few hours after breakfast. Many breakfast cereals Jackie Warner states in her book, Why You're Fat is the same as "candy". Some kids eat so much cereal it is a staple for them. It does not have protein and if it does not have fiber than it is straight up sugar, add milk (lactose) and you have a big sugar cocktail. Breads and bagels are the same, if they are not a whole grain or wheat than again, Jackie Warner states, "it is the same as a piece of chocolate cake". It's scary what we feed our children at parties with this perspective, no wonder they are bouncing off walls, crank, fatigued, hyperactive and bouncing off walls. You can see the effects on kids shortly after they have candy, they become somewhat brain dead like they are zoned out or just outright goofy.

If you really need to get this under control, I suggest you go to your fridge and cabinet and begin to remove everything that has over five grams per serving of sugar. Look  for hidden sugars, especially sugar alcohols:

Maltitol

mannitol 

sorbitol  

, which are terrible for your body and can cause disease in the gut.

Look for:

beet sugar

brown sugar

cane sugar

confectioner's sugar

corn syrup

 dextrose

fructose

high fructose corn -syrup

invert sugar

lactose

maltodextrin

sucrose

Source: Why You're Fat

One of the biggest scams when it comes to hidden sugars is products that say they are fat free. We are talking not only about all those lovely looking safe cakes, cookies and salad dressings. What people don't realize is that SUGAR WILL MAKE YOU FAT, all forms of it. Fat doesn't even really make you as fat as sugar will. Avoid all and any forms of diet products. Weight Watchers should be ashamed of themselves even putting their brand on these misleading labels.  Instead of fat free, go for low calorie. Even what we hope is going to be a great meal substitute like a protein bar, can hoard loads of sugar. Not all bars or even shakes are the same. Pay attention to what they use for fillers. Sugar is a big one. We also need to pay attention to the sauces and condiments we use. They too, like ketchup are mostly sugar and another reason to use only herbs on our food.

Sodas actually cause our brain to crave bad foods. This is because of the effect the sugar has on our brain and how that response signals our hormones. Can you imagine how much sugar is in a Dunkin Donuts coffee when we say cream and sugar. Cream (lactose) and however many tablespoons of sugar are a double whammy. Add some caffeine and we are seriously buzzing.

With all this information in mind, the formula for success is simple: eliminate sugar and you won't want sugar. Sugar causes you to want more sugar. With this in mind:

1) Eat fibrous and complex carbs

2) Clear out your cabinets and refrigerator

3) Truvia is a good sweetener to try and avail at Whole Foods & Health Markets

4) Exercise is good to prevent cravings for sugar. The endorphins make you feel good, which is what your body associates that sugar will do for it.

5) Eat healthy snacks throughout the day and it is wise to make sure you have them around. It is worth investing in a small car cooler or insulated lunch pack.

6) Avoid a lot of caffeine, it actually causes your blood sugar to fall.

7) When you get healthy nutritious balanced meals, you will notice your desire for sugar subsides. 

Just like me, you can walk by your favorite old vices and not have to reach, grab and eat and eat and eat. You will see how quickly you are in the clear. I just smile at the bad stuff now and walk away. Where you go your brain will follow, just try not to even look at it, if you are still weak, eventually this will be more natural and sugary, non nutritious foods will not even taste good to you when you do crack on occasion.

Non-Judgement & Acceptance

"In his heart a man plans his course, but God determines his steps"....Proverbs 16:9

I love the moments when there is a breakthrough with people. The people who trigger us the most wind up being our greatest teachers. They teach us who we want or do not want to be. They can create movement in our lives out of sheer envy or a source of inspiration that makes us realize we too can be "this or that".

Today, an email came through from an African American woman who is a participant in a spiritual workshop I am an assistant for. How ironic! The very woman who was now reaching out to me was the woman in the group who I triggered the most. During our first workshop I assisted (which I had been a participant of in the past) thought she and I would "compete" with one another. She wasn't sure she trusted me, etc. She didn't value what I had to say because I was "not the teacher". She expressed this during some exercises we did on our judgments of others.

The exercise goes like this:

We sit in a group and go around the circle confronting one another about our judgment of them. "I experience you as ______and it makes me feel _______? (emotive/emotional word).

When people initially do this exercise they believe these judgments are accurate. However, in time through the workshops you learn, our judgments and perceptions of others come from OUR REALITY/PERCEPTION of things. "One man's fruit is another man's poison" is what is revealed through this exercise. Not everyone sees someone the way you do. While in the workshop, all of this on the surface information becomes so transparent. At the end, we all read our life story. It takes 3 days to get through them all. Everyone is blown away by others stories. It explains so much about how a person now operates and their perceptions, values, etc. The shift in the group is one of non-judgment, but into a place of compassion.  It is easier to recognize that we can all serve eachother through non-judgment and compassion in such profound ways.

Originally, she expressed a lot of anger about her life in the group. During her life story, she shared sexual abuse by a stepfather for years, growing up in very poor areas with lots of crime, racism, etc. She learned to be a survivor and disassociate from her real feelings. White people were (IN HER WORDS) "the enemy". Men depended on women for money. She hated white men particularly (not sure why when her stepfather was black too).  Despite her upbringing she was determined to survive and make something of her life. She is now a Harvard Graduate and a very successful developer. The next workshop, we did the same judgment exercise. This time she surprised me, I was waiting for her to attack me verbally again. Although, she always asked "how is your grandfather" and was interested in hearing how I cared for my grandparents during tough times and all the family struggles around this. She looked into my eyes, "Michelle, you are someone I see as a very caring loving person. I see you like a sister and are someone I can trust, you are very intuitive." Of course, I loved it and realized she was developing more compassion and could see things from a more loving perspective. The anger must be dissipating.

Today, when I got her email, I quickly agreed to meet her at Starbucks. She was at a tipping point with her marriage. She was vulnerable to me (a new "white" friend)? This was huge that she could erase my color for a moment and see me as a helpful not hurtful (this is a very deep core issue with her).  I could not be more flattered to be there. I know I am the girl for the job because those that trigger you hold the magic key to something that needs to be addressed inside of us! Funny, how I had always judged her as a very intuitive strong woman who I would really like to get to know. A few years back, I would have held my judgments as well about her.

Her marital situation was presenting her with some complicated issues:  She is successful, he is in debt, she wants to travel, he can not afford to (he once was successful, but his spending habits and the economy changed and so did his financial situation, he is not keeping agreements they made, they do not share assets that are separated by a prenup. He wants to be on her deed and feels that she should include him in purchases - she asked him what he means, he has no answer". This triggers the hell out of her.

Remember, this lady is all about "SURVIVIAL" and anyone threatening that is going to trigger her defense mechanism. She learned not to trust her own stepfather and that men depend on women from the towns she grew up called Hustle and Battery. All her bells and whistles were going off! 

The issues are not entirely spiritual issues, but daily issues that we face as couples.  I let her know that it's like an alcoholic, if he chooses to keep spending although he is broke, let him do it on his tab. It's not your fault if he hits rock bottom. We all must take responsibility for ourselves. You can watch on the sidelines with wisdom and just keep your finances straight. What's there to argue about really? Arguing is a power struggle and all usually about control or manipulating another person to do things your way. You will ALWAYS be powerless trying to master this feat. If you clearly value different things and you can not come to some agreements or common denominators other than children,etc. You are co-existing and can 1) see it as a roommate situation, live your way and let him live his way (total acceptance - "it is what it is" or 2) take a leap of faith and stop" prostituting" yourself - yes "prostituting"!

Caroline Myss in her best selling book Sacred Contracts writes about the Prostitute Archetype: it's not about selling one's body for money, it comes into play more when our survival is threatened. How willing you are to sell yourself - morals, talents, integrity, intellect, your word, your body, your soul to survive, hang on to or please another. If you have faith in yourself, no one can buy you nor will you sell out. When you have believe in a higher power, you know you can take care of yourself and that the Divine is looking out for you. You will always be okay. Abundance comes in many forms, not just monetary. I am a testimonial to this personally.

We have a short period of time to fulfill our destiny. You can not control or change another. We all know the saying by now, “Accept the things we can not change and change the things you can". We all have our vices. So many of us are driven by our pain. When we transform ourselves we are driven by purpose that is not corrupted by our past. Let others learn for themselves what the high road for them. Some people just aren't ever going to go deeper nor are they meant to this lifetime.  It's not your job to judge or play God. Life is so much easier when we relax, let go and trust.

Then came the breakthrough today, she said in tears without any of her usual rant of anger, "you are so right, I'm putting my judgments on him because these are my fears".
The one thing she did say is the common bond that keeps them close is her step daughter (remember what I mentioned about the stepfather abusing her). How profound is it that she would be presented with this loving opportunity. Is it possible through her step daughter she is healing her checkered past?

The final tidbit of spiritual advice I had for her is that "it is what it is". Accepting someone for who they are is the greatest gift you can give. That is REAL LOVE. However, ladies, I’m a strong believe in creating your own assets and protecting them ….love will not keep your head above water in this economy!

Love Without Conditions: The Madness of Parenting



Why does Mothering my teen make me feeling like I have a hangover !




Love without Conditions: The Madness of Parenting A Teen

It is hard to believe my daughter is now 17 and that she will be moving out of the house to go to college next year. Regardless, of her exit at the end of next summer, I decided she needed a new bedroom set. No one could understand the logic behind this. My fiance has furniture in storage we could have put in the room once she was gone. However, in my mind, this room is a place that I want her to look forward to while visiting on breaks from college. It's kind of like insurance or should I say, ensurance? I also must admit that the absence of a dresser created chaos in the room. My teen seems to lack organizational skills. I can't help but watch the show Hoarders and wonder if this is the start of something. I come across gatorade bottles teetering close to the new white carpet. I replaced the old one since a lovely friend of hers put fruit punch crystal light on the previous white rug and the dog ran in and the kids decided to cover it with something. It wasn't until watching a video on my daughters FACEBOOK that I saw they had webcammed the big stain and how they had to be secretive about it. Little did I know my fiance was in on this too and tried to clean it. It was the big household secret. The stain was bright red, never came out and this one big stain cost me $1300.Thanks to her lovely friend Marjorie! I could not bear to look at since every time I did, I got very pist off and when I saw Marjorie, I just smiled. What the hell was she thinking? I should bill her parents...but of course, we stay calm, cool and collected as if it is, no biggie.

It's a strange age. It seems that my futile warrior like effort to support her through the years at times goes unnoticed. I am the most unappreciated mom. I have thought about going on Strike. I try, but she has had me since her first hello. Well coo and of course recognition of me as mama. It is those little moments where I get a glimpse of the way we were. Last night she asked me to rub her back and shoulders. I have given my daughter massages since she was an infant. This is a favorite past time. This is a signal to me (mommy)that she does want to feel close to me. The massages these days are to grind out the pain from Varsity Soccer, so it's not much of a loving experience really. It is all about feeling like I can do the job to make her feel better. Overall, this age has me feeling like a very misplaced mom. I had everything down until the terrible teens. I even had step children at one time, so I thought this would be the mom and daughter best friends and super close age. I must of forgotten the terror of my step children somehow and what I put my mom through. Most likely, I figured with my amazing parenting that it would never happen to me and my daughter would be a perfect angel.

 I feel like anything could happen. I live in fear, what is not to worry about. Let's see the possibilities: soccer injury, car wreck, pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, bad grades, not getting into college or not being able to afford one, where she is and who she is with, if she is going to get ill, if she is eating enough, etc. It's a nightmare really. No wonder I can be in need of a good escape and may seem a bit in la la land at times. The babes are in the woods before they are ready and the worst part is they really believe they know what is up. "Chill mom", are her famous teen words. I find it abnoxiousI feel completely neurotic and I drink more wine than ever just to tone down the intensity of the experience. She has never seen her mother drink more than a glass of wine. When I do she says, "you are becoming an alcoholic". It's hard to relax and have that glass of wine in peace when she is around. Once we went camping when she was a kid, I was sneaking a beer, so she would not see me. She ran after me like she was the parent and said, "mom stop drinking beard"! I did not correct her and say "beer honey, it's beer and you will never sip this EVER!"Of course I put it down after one sip and said, "no mommy doesn't want to drink any beard, I just had a sip". Yikes! I felt like I was in big trouble that day. How did she know what Beard was anyway?

My world with her seemed to change once she turned 17. She does everything in her room with the door closed. I just knock a few times, to let her know I could come in at any moment so be prepared! She has a computer, TV and pretty much eats and drinks in there now. I am constantly telling her to "be careful of the red carpet (whoops Freudian slip - WHITE CARPET!) I was in the clear as a mom until her last birthday. She became too good for me on that very day. She only wanted a sophisticated Houston's dinner and had no idea what she wanted for a gift. I decided a NOOK that is what she needs. For months, the Nook sat and then suddenly after I decided to use it since she had no interest, I downloaded all my books and the Nook was gone. She decided she had a new love for it. She took it on road trips and was stored it in her room. I try to sneak a peak at it here and there just to finish reading my books, but that's a lost cause since often the Nook is missing. Nearly $300, but "chill mom, I will find it, I might have left it at so and so's or my dad's". No biggie, as always.

Soon, like most parents I will be supporting her through college. She has no desire to work and I am in support of this because I want her to enjoy college and I feel why should she weather herself so soon. I worked two jobs from 14 on. You think I would expect it, but no one helped me through college so I never received my degree. I had to survive and I paid my own way, no loans, no family support or anything. I made it through Cosmetology School this way as well. It has been a long road. I want my daughter to focus on her education and enjoy life. I can only hope she has some compassion for me someday and the sacrifices I made for her to live the life of the rich and famous, while I hold my cup out and put my clothes away in my one old marital four drawer dresser that matches NOTHING else in the room, while she basks in her room with Bollywood's finest boutique dressers that cost me a fortune.

Most days, I am the invisible mom and only appear when she needs money. I think she strangely likes me being around, but yet we are not to discuss anything. EVERYTHING is a sore subject. It is a bit PMSish only hers seems to now be year round. I am on egg shells tip toeing around her and try to be sooo careful how I say and do things, but dam, everything is "annoying" and I need to just "chill". Not one approach works.  I say "good morning" and I get "mom,

I don't like to talk in the morning, you are usually sleeping, I am in my routine, go back to bed". I say, "have you eaten?" and it never fails that "there is no food in the house". We always have lots of food in the house, it just NEVER is what she eats, of course. Her father is always delivering something here and claiming she is starving. When she uses the "I need to chill" crap on me, even though I was not even stresed out at the time she said it for the 100th time, I suddenly am stressed out and when my stress escalates she responds with, "you see mom, this is why I don't like talking to you.!"  I loved the baby stage...easy peasy for you new parents. Just wait. They grow horns.

I am actually excited she will be leaving for college. Is that wrong?  It is all about ME ME ME! Oh, what I will buy for myself with all the excess cash!...I have worked so hard to get where I am today! But, now I am secretly thinking whoo hoo it's finally going to be the Michelle Show!!!! hehehe hahaha as I rub my hands. The best is when she says, "you never paid any attention to me before and suddenly now you are trying to control my life." Trust me parents, everything you do will be dismissed so don't try so hard. Miss one school function and you NEVER do anything. Some days she walks in the house and just gives hand gestures and one word sentences like she is a cave woman, "food"..."money", or two word sentences on occasion "dog out of room".  She has no clue what effort it is to raise a child as a single mom and to deal with her father, the tyrannt who in her cell phone is BIG DADDY and I found out my phone number is under "naggy bitch". Talk about a dagger in my heart. Do not think I didn't have a psychotic episode when I saw that! I threw luggage on top of the pile in her room and said, you go to Big Daddy. She freaked out and said she did not think I would really want her to leave. Of course, I did not, but I made it clear that my name was BANK OF AMERICA not "naggy bitch"

This is the little girl, I see as my Angel. It was cute tonight when I said, "do you know why I put Angels in your room" and she said, "because you always told me I was your little angel". booo hoooo, where is the tissue. I loved that she knew that. 

As she has matured, I have lost my little baby who became mommy's little girl who looked to me for the answers and solutions. She was my shorty. She was a great support while I was competing and  would pat me on the hip/butt area and let me know I had a little too much extra. She would show me how to pose correctly with her teeny tiny muscles and sit in the audience like a proud little girl with her glasses. She did have a panic attack once when I dyed my hair red, she stood up on the bus and looked at me like who the hell is this and walked off the bus saying, "your not my mom". She could not get whey I would do such a thing to my hai.  She has always been very honest, but at least she adored me. Now she thinks parents are for the little people and that it is best I just coexist with her in quiet and just say okay to everything she needs.  

 I feel like I live in her house and somehow I am using the wrong closet since she behaves as if my clothes and jewelry are also hers. It does save me money though so I let that slide too. So I am told by friends and family that this is all normal. Those who lack teens or have no children at all find this to be totally unacceptable. My dermatologist gave me a book called "Leave me alone, but First Take Me and Cheryl to the Mall". I thought he was joking!  I never really read much of the book, the title itself was enough information for me! I just needed to know I was not the only bad parent out there and that this is more about teenhood.  I JUST WANT TO CUT THROUGH THE CHASE & SHOUT! "WHAT IS UP"?  Are you drinking, doing drugs or making out? Teens will give you no clues and you really are not suppose to shout and know what to get angry about and what not to. Good luck to any parent who seriously tries to be the perfect parent and get this right. They deliberately like to leave you suffering. There is no rhyme or reason for their mood swings. They just act moody because somehow it means "independent". She has caught me online searching for answers and in comes the evil little voice, "mom, you think you can just look up stuff on line about me?".

I could sit here all day in battle. Let's see what  the phenomenal mess in her room, the unflushed toilet, the constant evil tone, the clothes on the bathroom floor, the lights left on, the not walking the pug she wanted for 9 years or anything to do with really, it's her tone when she speaks to me, her lack of motivation to complete her college apps and essays's before I panic, it's the not getting up on time for her first class and missing her meals...seriously, where do I begin? Yet, she claims in tears when we have a real blow up, "I am a good girl mom, you can ask anyone, what do I do that is so awful, people at my school are much much worse". Geez, do I really need to know that? Why am I not on xanex!?

The truth is despite the fact I am now living with a bandit, who claims she has nothing of mine only to find it stuffed in the back of her closet a year later. I do count my blessings!  I was much much worse. I think I would know if she had a lot of shinanigans going on, now wouldn't I?  I'm told by others how sweet, helpful and wonderful she is? I've come across love notes between her and her boyfriend that bring tears to my eyes. I love the way they communicate. Then she sees that I opened a letter and didn't close it in just the right way, so I am told again to please respect her privacy and that it is non of my business. Even through I just wanted to say, "right on kid, great letter, you guys are amazing" as tears well up in my mind about how my baby is growing up.

I had to learn some uncool things that I do that "no other parent does" like: waving at her at soccer games, or walking up to her when she is at a football game on the stands with her friend". Whenever I see her do well at things, I get so emotional because..."that's my girl"!!! I can't believe how many fans she has and they too are cheering her on. Do they even know that I am the diminished mother who really is in her life although it may not seem that way. 

 This week it was a walk in the park: Only the car battery died, no money, no lunch, forgot soccer clothes, almost starved to death when I gave her $5. I needs this, needs that for Homecoming. The dress was a mere $180 (for the love of grace! Rain down on me god with some serious cash soon)...it's like a tornado with no warning when she comes spiraling in and out of the house tearing up everything in sight. At times I do lose it. I will never forget the day when Kailey was small and I was so angry that she said,  "I'm scarred, who are you?", in total fear. I was going to throw her bed out the window. (We were 15 stories high). I was overwhelmed, as most mom's supposedly easily are when you find everything under their beds in the room that is suppose to be Feng Shui and the Wealth part of the home. She looked at me very seriously when I told her about Feng Shui, "mom I am concerned about you? I think you need to get out more! Do you really believe that if we clear out undernearth my bed and clean my room CHACHING money is just gonna fall from the sky? That is never going to happen mom"...She talked me out of the big bed toss from the sky rise and also said, "If you do that the GRAND (the name of the building) is going to be very mad at you". I thought, "Ya think?" We then ended up laughing.

One night I went out with friends and I had one too many. I needed a little extra sleep. Little miss caught drinking her "beard" as she once called it, was caught drinking with alcohol on her breath herself and got punished for it. She decided it was paybacks for the hell I put her through. She made sure to tape me on the webcam, take photos and talking to me nonstop. She told me how awful I smelled. All I could say is, "I am not feeling good today" and she sarcastically said, "mmmhhmmm".  Is it only my child who enjoys the art of torture?

And the journey continues...I can only hope when she goes off to college and makes her way in the world she remembers her mom was so tired, cranky at times, overwhelmed, made some bad choices, suffered from premature senior moments, lived with stress and anxiety for one reason...because I loved her and desperately did all I could to make a home for her. It all lead me to my career. The career that became our pillar and gave us a great living. I am thankful for her patience when times were rough and how she loved me unconditionally. Now I will love her in the exact same with. My love for her clearly has no conditions, it is just pure love.

She has always loved music

Camping out with her good friends Sarah and Hailey.

Kailey in the 4H Club

My little angel

Her mom doing one arm push ups with soldiers at the county fair

If you have a hangover around your teen, note they will make you feel like it is a case of bad karma.

How to repair a damaged metabolism

Repair metabolic damage: Caused by supplements, competing, fad or extreme diets and over training

by Michelle Haas Beaumont on Wednesday, October 20, 2010 at 2:03pm

If you are in the gym, eating well and are not getting results. There may be a bigger reason than just too many calories or not enough activity. The problem usually is that the metabolism has plateaued. Often this is the result of yo-yo dieting, competition diets for figure, fitness or bodybuilding, not enough calories over time or losing too much weight too quickly on fad diets. This stubborn syndrome occurs because the hormones are not grounded. Your adrenals when under stress for too long will no longer function the way they used to. This is why figure and fitness competitors are told over and over not to compete in too many shows too quickly. If the body does not recover from the lack of carbs, sugar, salt and intensive exercise, it will rebel. The only girls who successfully can compete on this level, I hate to break the news to you, tend to be on aggressive speed type supplements with added hormones to their body. Growth hormone and steroids are the way people cheat their way to long term success and very muscular physiques. However, I have yet to meet a female who admits to using anything other than vitamins, nutrition and exercise. I learned through my own body, there is only so far you can get even with all ducks in a row. I have worked with top competition trainers and I assure you even their diets did not work without the extras. I lived on ephedra for my first year competing and looked like a refugee on crack. I can guarantee that if you use speedy fat burning supplements that over time, you are going to have some form of nerve damage and they will change your body's chemical make up. How can something that speeds up your heart rate and toys with your thyroid, which in turn effects adrenals, manipulates your insulin levels and heats your body up for several hours, NOT? If you have any health issues, this could even kill you or cause the problem to get much worse. I have seen many girls go to the hospital with low potassium, sodium and magnesium and nearly had heart attacks and strokes. It is important to not believe everything someone tells you about food and exercise. Winning is not worth your health. It is important that you gage how you feel. With numbing supplements in your body that tell you to work harder, faster, more intense, I can assure you, you are not feeling what is really going on with your body. What will is a good yoga class while not a fat burner and a massage. You will realize the STRESS your body is under training at this intensity. It's dangerous when you do not pace yourself, give yourself time to recover and return to normal healthy eating.

Fortunately, repairing metabolic damage is possible, although is very complicated initially. What once works, will simply not work any longer. The old diets do not do a thing nor the old exercise. It will require very specific metabolism stimulating exercises and metabolism stimulating nutrition (NOT a diet). Maintaining a muscular/toned/well shaped body is a lot of effort for most and I assure you deprivation. No one's body can stay and live like this long term. I can assure you, as you age too, things will and do change. The ones you see still maintaining HGH levels (what is required to grow muscle) are not just doing this naturally. I do think after 35 it is fair to use a little HGH although It is very expensive, but doctors can prescribe it. Beverly International (www.beverlyinternational.com) has a great product called GH Factor and I love their Glutamine Select with Branched Chain Amino Acids in it. This is the official way, I have tried to preserve my muscles through the years. However, I'm not going to lie to you, if it was not so expensive, I would opt for some HGH injections on a regular basis from an anti-aging doctor. We lose muscle as we age and our inability to grow muscle plays a role in why our metabolism winds up defaulting. Eating protein alone, will not do the trick. the problem is when we are young, we do not care about anything, but looking good. Our ego's take over our ability to prevent damage in the future. The addiction to ourself and how we look clouds our better judgement of what it is worth to take anything and everything over the counter just to shape up! We love the way we look and feel when in shape and then one day show is over. The show must go on in our daily life and we don't want to wind up as has-beens or washed up. The best prevention is not to over diet or over train. We must pace ourselves and be patient in order to have long term results without terrible side effects, which can also be life threatening.

The irony of most diet programs is that they claim to help you lose unwanted weight, but they only make it harder for you in the long run. This is because they focus on harsh metabolism-decreasing methods of dieting and not enough weight training or muscle building exercises. Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem are some of the most popular weight loss programs out there. Why? Because people are uneducated about the importance of growing muscle. If you do not succeed long term on these programs, guess what you will do, call them back and get back on because at one time you lost 10-20lbs so you believe it will work again or that it works at all. This will never work, if you do not address your body's need to grow muscle to safeguard the metabolism. I am speaking of NATURAL MUSCLE, not enhanced by shots. That type of muscle will also go away and you will become a drug addict. The reason is simple, you will become addicted to looking great with muscle and pay to keep your body that way. When you remove the substance, you lose the muscle and you are all bodyfat again, so you cycle back on the same substance because you can not stand the way you look. This is how we develop a dysmorphic view of your body. It is so hard to compete and then go back to a normal body and believe you look okay just as an average bear. It is never good enough! Just like the ladies who were once very thin in their 20's and now weigh a healthy weight in their 40's and 50's. We are so hard on ourselves about maintaining what we once were that we wind up starving ourselves or just giving up completely. We will pay every trainer, expert, buy the books, search for the magic pills to take us back to that place we once were. This only damages our metabolism even further since it is harder to recover from these bouts as we get older and older. We all are aging people...no exemptions!

However, it's never hopeless because anyone can increase and repair their metabolism with safe natural methods and a few safe vitamins and supplements. Most people get an immediate boost in their metabolic rate when they start the Accelerator Program. The pre cleanse I suggest in the beginning is very important. If you have eaten a ton of toxic foods and did not cleanse your liver and digestive tract, your body is clogged and the cells will be hard to revitalize. The cells are where we get energy from. We need optimum energy in order to perform best when training. If we do not get the vital nutrients, we will lack the energy needed to deal with the stress of exercise and our systems will not react the same. It is all tied together.

However, you need to understand that results will take time and will not be extreme. You can opt for those programs, but they will backfire and you will have wasted your money and time once again. They are not going to come overnight, although the urgency is to get there. If you have something specific you are targeting like an event, plan at least 12 weeks ahead. To lose 15-24 lbs I suggest 12 weeks minimum for 30-48lbs, you can count on 24 weeks. This is realistic, doable and the body will progress the way it should without more damage to the metabolism.

Within 3 weeks of starting the program, your metabolism will be more efficient and within 6 to 8 weeks it will be burning hot. After 12 weeks of consistent effort, following the strategies I teach you, your metabolism will become a turbo charged and your results will happen. Most wind up looking and feeling the best they ever have.

The basics for boosting your metabolism is consistency with these guidelines below. You need to apply a fat burning meal and exercise plan daily! And you do get cheat meals. I was looking at websites and information online and found key things that most expert agree will help the metabolism along:

This includes:

• Meal Frequency: eat 5 to 6 small meals every day.
• Meal Timing: eat about every 3 hours, with a big breakfast and substantial post-workout meal.
• Adequate Caloric Intake: maintain a small calorie deficit and avoid starvation (safe levels for fat loss: 2100 to 2500 calories a day for men, 1400 to 1800 calories a day for women; adjustable as needed) are the most optimal calorie levels to repair metabolic damage. I use a zig zagged or calorie rotational approach to eating. This varies per person and is based on their activity levels.
• Food Selection: Choose natural and unprocessed foods that have a high thermic effect. Food such as lean proteins - chicken, turkey, egg whites and fish - are highly thermic, as are all green vegetables and other fibrous carbs.
• Cardio Training: Raise your cardio intensity if you want to get a metabolic boost. Walking and low intensity cardio is OK, but higher intensity has a much better metabolism-stimulating effect and helps to repair metabolic damage.
• Weight Training: The best exercises are ones that work the largest muscle groups and work the entire body. These include: all types of squats (fron and split), deadlifts, overhead presses, all kinds of rows and core exercises. These complex movements have a much greater metabolism stimulating effect than isolation exercises such as concentration curls or calf raises, for example.

The weight training compenent is very important and is mandatory with the Accelerator Program. If you really are a beginner with weights, I suggest you start with synergystics, which is resistance training without weights through yoga, pilates, bands and a variety of balls.

"Men usually don't have a problem with weight training, but I still hear many women say they don't like lifting weights as part of their fat loss program. Well, all I can say is that those who don't lift weights can expect to have a very long road to metabolic recovery", says Tom Venuto, who created his own Burn the Fat program.

Repair Metabolic Damage - Consistency Is The Key
Nothing undermines the process of re-building your metabolism like inconsistency. If you stop and start, skip meals and workouts often, you won't even get the ball rolling.

There are ways to get your metabolism revving and keep you not only burning hot, but looking hot through all decades of your life. You cannot do this if you miss meals, go on extreme programs that have you taking things that create a look for you that you can not maintain without. You need to make your meals, not a weight loss company! Your workouts need to be consistent and varied in intensity. Not everyday should be a hard charging day or your body adapts and you will have trouble getting results.

All of this takes a mental commitment to your long term health and well being. The show in life must go on...the limelight on stage is not as bright as it looks. Be wise about who you work with and educate yourself about the business of nutrition. Most supplements are really inconclusive, not FDA approved and are going to cause damage to either your liver, kidney, heart or adrenals. You should be supervised by a doctor if you really are not seeing results and your health is at risk from being overweight. If you do want to the limelight of having a great body, I highly suggestion that you do it with integrity and don't let anyone convince you otherwise!

Note from Michelle:  If you're interested in taking off fat and repairing metabolic damage in a healthy and sensible way, while keeping all your muscle and increasing your metabolism, then my Burn the Fat, Feed The Muscle Accelerator program can teach you how. There's no gimmicks or false promises, just the plain truth - you have to work at it and be patient!  

Fight Night, Fight for Chidren Charity...all the legends of boxing were there and I was one of the only three ring girls selected for 3 years in a row! Great event. Lots of celebrities and prestigious people attend.

If you are not seeing results after making a lot of effort, you may suffer from Metabolic Damage. This can be caused by supplements (especially fat burners), extreme or fad diets and over training. 

Himalayan Crystal Salt: The "White Gold" of salts

Do you miss salt or need to cut back? The good news is, you do not have to. Not getting enough salt in your body can actually cause adverse side effects. It can cause a drop in potassium and can lead to a heart attack or other reasons for hospitalization. We need some salt in our body, especially when we are exercising or doing a rigorous sport that causes us to sweat a lot. A good rule of thumb is to replace electrolytes, including salt, when doing exercise for more than one hour. Sports drinks are somewhat of a solution, but are often loaded with sugar and the bad type of salt. I suggest you purchase Himalayan salt immediately if you are an active person.

There is one salt that is superior to all other salts and is beneficial for your health. Traditional salt is extremely toxic. Found in the sacred Himalayan mountains, this crystalized salt is millions of years old. It is a purest form of salt, untouched by pollutants and toxins that pervade other forms of sea and table salts.

It is known as the “white gold,” in the Himalayan's and this salt, has over 84 natural minerals and elements found in the human body. This crystal form of salt has also been maturing over the past 250 million years under intense tectonic pressure, creating an environment of zero exposure to toxins and impurities.

This salt has a unique cellular structure allowing it to actually store vibrational energy. This is why this salt makes amazing lamps. When the heat lights up the lamp, it sends this vibration out into the environment. Its minerals exist in a colloidal form, meaning that they are tiny enough for our cells to easily absorb them. I have found these lamps available online or in stores like 10,000 Villages (online or find a store near you).

Himalayan Crystal Salt: The Health Benefits

The health benefits of using natural Himalayan Crystal Salt may include:
Controlling the water levels within the body, regulating them for proper functioning
Promoting stable pH balance in the cells, including the brain.
Encouraging excellent blood sugar health
Aiding in reducing the common signs of aging
Promoting cellular hydroelectric energy creation
Promoting the increased absorption capacities of food elements within the intestinal tract
Aiding vascular health
Supporting healthy respiratory function
Lowering incidence of sinus problems, and promoting over-all sinus health
Reducing muscle cramps
Increasing bone strength
Naturally promoting healthy sleep patterns
Creating a healthy libido
In combination with water, it is necessary for blood pressure regulation
Prevents cellulite, when compared to table salt
Reduces chances of developing rheumatism, arthritis and gout, when compared to common chemically-treated salt
Reduces chances of developing kidney and gall bladder stones when compared to common chemically-treated salt

Standard Table Salt will destroy your health: Never use it
Many people are unaware that common table salt is actually full of many forms of chemicals and even sugar! Salt, while necessary for life as we know it, can be dangerous if taken in this chemical form.

Commonly sold table salt is composed of 97.5% sodium chloride and 2.5% chemicals like iodine and absorbents, and sugar. Common salt is also dried at more than 1,200° Fahrenheit, a process which zaps many of the natural chemical structures of naturally-occuring salt.

The table and cooking salt found in most homes, restaurants, and all processed foods, is empty of any nutritional value. It is lacking in the precious trace minerals that make salt good for us. After processing, salt is basically sodium chloride, an unnatural chemical type of salt that our body actually sees as a foreign toxic invader!
When we ingest this type of salt, our body cannot dispose of it in a natural, healthy way. This can lead to inflammation of the tissues, water retention and high blood pressure over time.

Furthermore, processed salt crystals are also energetically dead, as their crystals are completely isolated from one another. In order for our body to metabolize chemical table salt, it must waste tremendous amounts of energy to try to keep the body at its optimum fluid balance. This creates an unnecessary burdening of the elimination systems in the body. Water is also removed from other cells in the system in an attempt to neutralize the unnatural sodium chloride.

Studies show that for each gram of table salt that your system cannot process, your body will use over twenty times the amount of cellular water to neutralize the sodium chloride in chemically-treated salt.

This can lead to water retention, cellulite, rheumatism, arthritis, gout, as well as kidney and gallbladder stones. With the knowledge that the everyday American eats about 5,000 mg of sodium chloride a day, it is clear that the issue is serious and needs to be adressed.

Choosing to use Himalayan Salt as an alternative can have a big impact on your total health and well-being. I only use and recommend the Original Himalayan Crystal Salt from the Psymphony company.

Even before the modern drugs were formulated, salt was already used by many homes to combat certain symptoms. The Himalayan salt provides beneficial all natural, free-harsh chemical remedies for different body condition.

Sole (so-lay), which is the mixture of crystal salt and water is the called the soup of life. The German word sole came from the Latin word sol, which means the sun. So the brine solution is the fluid state of the sun or light energy. In this combination, balance is being achieved since the positive ions of the water surround the negative ions of the water and the negative ions surround the positive ions of the water. This causes the molecules to be hydrolyzed. This brine solution creates a 24-hour profound vibration to the body. The sole will bring back this energy pattern in our body that is decreasing when one is sick.

To create your own sole, loosely fill a glass with several Himalayan crystal salts. Then completely fill the glass with good spring water. Check if the crystals have been dissolved completely. If the crystals were dissolved, add some more crystal. You can be sure that the brine is already ready to be used when the water is no longer dissolving the crystals and they settle at the bottom of the glass. You can take one teaspoon full of the sole with 250 ml of water every morning with an empty stomach.

The brine solution provides a detoxifying effect on the body. For the skin, it helps minerals to be penetrated easily.
Here are the many uses of the Himalayan salt sole to provide natural remedy to the body.

1. Dental Hygiene. You can use the brine (undiluted) when brushing your teeth. You can also use it as a mouthwash. The solution prevents gum bleeding and bad breath.

2.Ear Infections. Using sole as eardrops will help in curing ear infections.

3.Acne. To lessen the acne, use a brine facial wash. To use Himalayan salt as face or body scrub, just mix the salt with a fragrance free, organic soap.

4.Foot Fungus. Soak your feet with the brine solution and see the difference.

5.Psoriasis. Take brine solution to the affected skin area and rub. Then allow the brine to dry.

6.Motion Sickness. To get the energetic balancing properties of the salt, make a pouch of salt and wear it around your neck.

7.Sore Throats. Gargle with warm sole solution. Don’t swallow the solution. This will ease your sore throat.

8.Balance Body PH factor. The sole helps in maintaining a balanced ph factor for the body. It can help in eliminating heavy metals in the body. Some of these metals are lead, arsenic, mercury and calcium. The salt has the ability to dissolve their molecular structures.

9.Menstrual complaints. If you are experiencing menstrual cramps, use a warm salt sachet for 30minutes. You can also get a cloth and dip it on the sole. Wring and put the cloth on your abdomen. Then cover it with towel and put a hot water bottle. Allow this for 30 minutes to get rid of the cramps.

10.Headaches. Use concentrated sole solution to massage the head and neck. For severe headaches, you can also apply a cold compress by combining1 teaspoon of sole to 1 tablespoons of cold water. Change as necessary.

11.Chronic Respiratory Illness. Asthma, sinusitis and bronchitis can be treated with brine inhalation therapy. Head a pot and add a minimum of 0.7 of salt with the boiling water. Cover your head with a towel and breathe in the brine steam. Do this for 10 to 15 minutes. The pollutants will be coughed out in about 30 minutes from inhaling the brine solution.

The solution also cures other skin irritations. It can also be used for other post-operative care, rheumatism, joint ailments and insect bites or wounds. It can also be used as sole bath. This will reactivate the body’s ability for self-healing and body’s electric current.

In the Washington DC area, look for Himalayan salt at the Apothecary Pharmacy on Cedar Lane in Bethesda or check with the Vitamin Store, GNC and/or Whole Foods. Replace all salt with this highly beneficial substitute. Lamps are found at 10,000 Villages. I bought mine in the Rockville Town Center location.

Himalayan Salt comes in many forms