Love Without Conditions: The Madness of Parenting



Why does Mothering my teen make me feeling like I have a hangover !




Love without Conditions: The Madness of Parenting A Teen

It is hard to believe my daughter is now 17 and that she will be moving out of the house to go to college next year. Regardless, of her exit at the end of next summer, I decided she needed a new bedroom set. No one could understand the logic behind this. My fiance has furniture in storage we could have put in the room once she was gone. However, in my mind, this room is a place that I want her to look forward to while visiting on breaks from college. It's kind of like insurance or should I say, ensurance? I also must admit that the absence of a dresser created chaos in the room. My teen seems to lack organizational skills. I can't help but watch the show Hoarders and wonder if this is the start of something. I come across gatorade bottles teetering close to the new white carpet. I replaced the old one since a lovely friend of hers put fruit punch crystal light on the previous white rug and the dog ran in and the kids decided to cover it with something. It wasn't until watching a video on my daughters FACEBOOK that I saw they had webcammed the big stain and how they had to be secretive about it. Little did I know my fiance was in on this too and tried to clean it. It was the big household secret. The stain was bright red, never came out and this one big stain cost me $1300.Thanks to her lovely friend Marjorie! I could not bear to look at since every time I did, I got very pist off and when I saw Marjorie, I just smiled. What the hell was she thinking? I should bill her parents...but of course, we stay calm, cool and collected as if it is, no biggie.

It's a strange age. It seems that my futile warrior like effort to support her through the years at times goes unnoticed. I am the most unappreciated mom. I have thought about going on Strike. I try, but she has had me since her first hello. Well coo and of course recognition of me as mama. It is those little moments where I get a glimpse of the way we were. Last night she asked me to rub her back and shoulders. I have given my daughter massages since she was an infant. This is a favorite past time. This is a signal to me (mommy)that she does want to feel close to me. The massages these days are to grind out the pain from Varsity Soccer, so it's not much of a loving experience really. It is all about feeling like I can do the job to make her feel better. Overall, this age has me feeling like a very misplaced mom. I had everything down until the terrible teens. I even had step children at one time, so I thought this would be the mom and daughter best friends and super close age. I must of forgotten the terror of my step children somehow and what I put my mom through. Most likely, I figured with my amazing parenting that it would never happen to me and my daughter would be a perfect angel.

 I feel like anything could happen. I live in fear, what is not to worry about. Let's see the possibilities: soccer injury, car wreck, pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, bad grades, not getting into college or not being able to afford one, where she is and who she is with, if she is going to get ill, if she is eating enough, etc. It's a nightmare really. No wonder I can be in need of a good escape and may seem a bit in la la land at times. The babes are in the woods before they are ready and the worst part is they really believe they know what is up. "Chill mom", are her famous teen words. I find it abnoxiousI feel completely neurotic and I drink more wine than ever just to tone down the intensity of the experience. She has never seen her mother drink more than a glass of wine. When I do she says, "you are becoming an alcoholic". It's hard to relax and have that glass of wine in peace when she is around. Once we went camping when she was a kid, I was sneaking a beer, so she would not see me. She ran after me like she was the parent and said, "mom stop drinking beard"! I did not correct her and say "beer honey, it's beer and you will never sip this EVER!"Of course I put it down after one sip and said, "no mommy doesn't want to drink any beard, I just had a sip". Yikes! I felt like I was in big trouble that day. How did she know what Beard was anyway?

My world with her seemed to change once she turned 17. She does everything in her room with the door closed. I just knock a few times, to let her know I could come in at any moment so be prepared! She has a computer, TV and pretty much eats and drinks in there now. I am constantly telling her to "be careful of the red carpet (whoops Freudian slip - WHITE CARPET!) I was in the clear as a mom until her last birthday. She became too good for me on that very day. She only wanted a sophisticated Houston's dinner and had no idea what she wanted for a gift. I decided a NOOK that is what she needs. For months, the Nook sat and then suddenly after I decided to use it since she had no interest, I downloaded all my books and the Nook was gone. She decided she had a new love for it. She took it on road trips and was stored it in her room. I try to sneak a peak at it here and there just to finish reading my books, but that's a lost cause since often the Nook is missing. Nearly $300, but "chill mom, I will find it, I might have left it at so and so's or my dad's". No biggie, as always.

Soon, like most parents I will be supporting her through college. She has no desire to work and I am in support of this because I want her to enjoy college and I feel why should she weather herself so soon. I worked two jobs from 14 on. You think I would expect it, but no one helped me through college so I never received my degree. I had to survive and I paid my own way, no loans, no family support or anything. I made it through Cosmetology School this way as well. It has been a long road. I want my daughter to focus on her education and enjoy life. I can only hope she has some compassion for me someday and the sacrifices I made for her to live the life of the rich and famous, while I hold my cup out and put my clothes away in my one old marital four drawer dresser that matches NOTHING else in the room, while she basks in her room with Bollywood's finest boutique dressers that cost me a fortune.

Most days, I am the invisible mom and only appear when she needs money. I think she strangely likes me being around, but yet we are not to discuss anything. EVERYTHING is a sore subject. It is a bit PMSish only hers seems to now be year round. I am on egg shells tip toeing around her and try to be sooo careful how I say and do things, but dam, everything is "annoying" and I need to just "chill". Not one approach works.  I say "good morning" and I get "mom,

I don't like to talk in the morning, you are usually sleeping, I am in my routine, go back to bed". I say, "have you eaten?" and it never fails that "there is no food in the house". We always have lots of food in the house, it just NEVER is what she eats, of course. Her father is always delivering something here and claiming she is starving. When she uses the "I need to chill" crap on me, even though I was not even stresed out at the time she said it for the 100th time, I suddenly am stressed out and when my stress escalates she responds with, "you see mom, this is why I don't like talking to you.!"  I loved the baby stage...easy peasy for you new parents. Just wait. They grow horns.

I am actually excited she will be leaving for college. Is that wrong?  It is all about ME ME ME! Oh, what I will buy for myself with all the excess cash!...I have worked so hard to get where I am today! But, now I am secretly thinking whoo hoo it's finally going to be the Michelle Show!!!! hehehe hahaha as I rub my hands. The best is when she says, "you never paid any attention to me before and suddenly now you are trying to control my life." Trust me parents, everything you do will be dismissed so don't try so hard. Miss one school function and you NEVER do anything. Some days she walks in the house and just gives hand gestures and one word sentences like she is a cave woman, "food"..."money", or two word sentences on occasion "dog out of room".  She has no clue what effort it is to raise a child as a single mom and to deal with her father, the tyrannt who in her cell phone is BIG DADDY and I found out my phone number is under "naggy bitch". Talk about a dagger in my heart. Do not think I didn't have a psychotic episode when I saw that! I threw luggage on top of the pile in her room and said, you go to Big Daddy. She freaked out and said she did not think I would really want her to leave. Of course, I did not, but I made it clear that my name was BANK OF AMERICA not "naggy bitch"

This is the little girl, I see as my Angel. It was cute tonight when I said, "do you know why I put Angels in your room" and she said, "because you always told me I was your little angel". booo hoooo, where is the tissue. I loved that she knew that. 

As she has matured, I have lost my little baby who became mommy's little girl who looked to me for the answers and solutions. She was my shorty. She was a great support while I was competing and  would pat me on the hip/butt area and let me know I had a little too much extra. She would show me how to pose correctly with her teeny tiny muscles and sit in the audience like a proud little girl with her glasses. She did have a panic attack once when I dyed my hair red, she stood up on the bus and looked at me like who the hell is this and walked off the bus saying, "your not my mom". She could not get whey I would do such a thing to my hai.  She has always been very honest, but at least she adored me. Now she thinks parents are for the little people and that it is best I just coexist with her in quiet and just say okay to everything she needs.  

 I feel like I live in her house and somehow I am using the wrong closet since she behaves as if my clothes and jewelry are also hers. It does save me money though so I let that slide too. So I am told by friends and family that this is all normal. Those who lack teens or have no children at all find this to be totally unacceptable. My dermatologist gave me a book called "Leave me alone, but First Take Me and Cheryl to the Mall". I thought he was joking!  I never really read much of the book, the title itself was enough information for me! I just needed to know I was not the only bad parent out there and that this is more about teenhood.  I JUST WANT TO CUT THROUGH THE CHASE & SHOUT! "WHAT IS UP"?  Are you drinking, doing drugs or making out? Teens will give you no clues and you really are not suppose to shout and know what to get angry about and what not to. Good luck to any parent who seriously tries to be the perfect parent and get this right. They deliberately like to leave you suffering. There is no rhyme or reason for their mood swings. They just act moody because somehow it means "independent". She has caught me online searching for answers and in comes the evil little voice, "mom, you think you can just look up stuff on line about me?".

I could sit here all day in battle. Let's see what  the phenomenal mess in her room, the unflushed toilet, the constant evil tone, the clothes on the bathroom floor, the lights left on, the not walking the pug she wanted for 9 years or anything to do with really, it's her tone when she speaks to me, her lack of motivation to complete her college apps and essays's before I panic, it's the not getting up on time for her first class and missing her meals...seriously, where do I begin? Yet, she claims in tears when we have a real blow up, "I am a good girl mom, you can ask anyone, what do I do that is so awful, people at my school are much much worse". Geez, do I really need to know that? Why am I not on xanex!?

The truth is despite the fact I am now living with a bandit, who claims she has nothing of mine only to find it stuffed in the back of her closet a year later. I do count my blessings!  I was much much worse. I think I would know if she had a lot of shinanigans going on, now wouldn't I?  I'm told by others how sweet, helpful and wonderful she is? I've come across love notes between her and her boyfriend that bring tears to my eyes. I love the way they communicate. Then she sees that I opened a letter and didn't close it in just the right way, so I am told again to please respect her privacy and that it is non of my business. Even through I just wanted to say, "right on kid, great letter, you guys are amazing" as tears well up in my mind about how my baby is growing up.

I had to learn some uncool things that I do that "no other parent does" like: waving at her at soccer games, or walking up to her when she is at a football game on the stands with her friend". Whenever I see her do well at things, I get so emotional because..."that's my girl"!!! I can't believe how many fans she has and they too are cheering her on. Do they even know that I am the diminished mother who really is in her life although it may not seem that way. 

 This week it was a walk in the park: Only the car battery died, no money, no lunch, forgot soccer clothes, almost starved to death when I gave her $5. I needs this, needs that for Homecoming. The dress was a mere $180 (for the love of grace! Rain down on me god with some serious cash soon)...it's like a tornado with no warning when she comes spiraling in and out of the house tearing up everything in sight. At times I do lose it. I will never forget the day when Kailey was small and I was so angry that she said,  "I'm scarred, who are you?", in total fear. I was going to throw her bed out the window. (We were 15 stories high). I was overwhelmed, as most mom's supposedly easily are when you find everything under their beds in the room that is suppose to be Feng Shui and the Wealth part of the home. She looked at me very seriously when I told her about Feng Shui, "mom I am concerned about you? I think you need to get out more! Do you really believe that if we clear out undernearth my bed and clean my room CHACHING money is just gonna fall from the sky? That is never going to happen mom"...She talked me out of the big bed toss from the sky rise and also said, "If you do that the GRAND (the name of the building) is going to be very mad at you". I thought, "Ya think?" We then ended up laughing.

One night I went out with friends and I had one too many. I needed a little extra sleep. Little miss caught drinking her "beard" as she once called it, was caught drinking with alcohol on her breath herself and got punished for it. She decided it was paybacks for the hell I put her through. She made sure to tape me on the webcam, take photos and talking to me nonstop. She told me how awful I smelled. All I could say is, "I am not feeling good today" and she sarcastically said, "mmmhhmmm".  Is it only my child who enjoys the art of torture?

And the journey continues...I can only hope when she goes off to college and makes her way in the world she remembers her mom was so tired, cranky at times, overwhelmed, made some bad choices, suffered from premature senior moments, lived with stress and anxiety for one reason...because I loved her and desperately did all I could to make a home for her. It all lead me to my career. The career that became our pillar and gave us a great living. I am thankful for her patience when times were rough and how she loved me unconditionally. Now I will love her in the exact same with. My love for her clearly has no conditions, it is just pure love.

She has always loved music

Camping out with her good friends Sarah and Hailey.

Kailey in the 4H Club

My little angel

Her mom doing one arm push ups with soldiers at the county fair

If you have a hangover around your teen, note they will make you feel like it is a case of bad karma.

How to repair a damaged metabolism

Repair metabolic damage: Caused by supplements, competing, fad or extreme diets and over training

by Michelle Haas Beaumont on Wednesday, October 20, 2010 at 2:03pm

If you are in the gym, eating well and are not getting results. There may be a bigger reason than just too many calories or not enough activity. The problem usually is that the metabolism has plateaued. Often this is the result of yo-yo dieting, competition diets for figure, fitness or bodybuilding, not enough calories over time or losing too much weight too quickly on fad diets. This stubborn syndrome occurs because the hormones are not grounded. Your adrenals when under stress for too long will no longer function the way they used to. This is why figure and fitness competitors are told over and over not to compete in too many shows too quickly. If the body does not recover from the lack of carbs, sugar, salt and intensive exercise, it will rebel. The only girls who successfully can compete on this level, I hate to break the news to you, tend to be on aggressive speed type supplements with added hormones to their body. Growth hormone and steroids are the way people cheat their way to long term success and very muscular physiques. However, I have yet to meet a female who admits to using anything other than vitamins, nutrition and exercise. I learned through my own body, there is only so far you can get even with all ducks in a row. I have worked with top competition trainers and I assure you even their diets did not work without the extras. I lived on ephedra for my first year competing and looked like a refugee on crack. I can guarantee that if you use speedy fat burning supplements that over time, you are going to have some form of nerve damage and they will change your body's chemical make up. How can something that speeds up your heart rate and toys with your thyroid, which in turn effects adrenals, manipulates your insulin levels and heats your body up for several hours, NOT? If you have any health issues, this could even kill you or cause the problem to get much worse. I have seen many girls go to the hospital with low potassium, sodium and magnesium and nearly had heart attacks and strokes. It is important to not believe everything someone tells you about food and exercise. Winning is not worth your health. It is important that you gage how you feel. With numbing supplements in your body that tell you to work harder, faster, more intense, I can assure you, you are not feeling what is really going on with your body. What will is a good yoga class while not a fat burner and a massage. You will realize the STRESS your body is under training at this intensity. It's dangerous when you do not pace yourself, give yourself time to recover and return to normal healthy eating.

Fortunately, repairing metabolic damage is possible, although is very complicated initially. What once works, will simply not work any longer. The old diets do not do a thing nor the old exercise. It will require very specific metabolism stimulating exercises and metabolism stimulating nutrition (NOT a diet). Maintaining a muscular/toned/well shaped body is a lot of effort for most and I assure you deprivation. No one's body can stay and live like this long term. I can assure you, as you age too, things will and do change. The ones you see still maintaining HGH levels (what is required to grow muscle) are not just doing this naturally. I do think after 35 it is fair to use a little HGH although It is very expensive, but doctors can prescribe it. Beverly International (www.beverlyinternational.com) has a great product called GH Factor and I love their Glutamine Select with Branched Chain Amino Acids in it. This is the official way, I have tried to preserve my muscles through the years. However, I'm not going to lie to you, if it was not so expensive, I would opt for some HGH injections on a regular basis from an anti-aging doctor. We lose muscle as we age and our inability to grow muscle plays a role in why our metabolism winds up defaulting. Eating protein alone, will not do the trick. the problem is when we are young, we do not care about anything, but looking good. Our ego's take over our ability to prevent damage in the future. The addiction to ourself and how we look clouds our better judgement of what it is worth to take anything and everything over the counter just to shape up! We love the way we look and feel when in shape and then one day show is over. The show must go on in our daily life and we don't want to wind up as has-beens or washed up. The best prevention is not to over diet or over train. We must pace ourselves and be patient in order to have long term results without terrible side effects, which can also be life threatening.

The irony of most diet programs is that they claim to help you lose unwanted weight, but they only make it harder for you in the long run. This is because they focus on harsh metabolism-decreasing methods of dieting and not enough weight training or muscle building exercises. Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem are some of the most popular weight loss programs out there. Why? Because people are uneducated about the importance of growing muscle. If you do not succeed long term on these programs, guess what you will do, call them back and get back on because at one time you lost 10-20lbs so you believe it will work again or that it works at all. This will never work, if you do not address your body's need to grow muscle to safeguard the metabolism. I am speaking of NATURAL MUSCLE, not enhanced by shots. That type of muscle will also go away and you will become a drug addict. The reason is simple, you will become addicted to looking great with muscle and pay to keep your body that way. When you remove the substance, you lose the muscle and you are all bodyfat again, so you cycle back on the same substance because you can not stand the way you look. This is how we develop a dysmorphic view of your body. It is so hard to compete and then go back to a normal body and believe you look okay just as an average bear. It is never good enough! Just like the ladies who were once very thin in their 20's and now weigh a healthy weight in their 40's and 50's. We are so hard on ourselves about maintaining what we once were that we wind up starving ourselves or just giving up completely. We will pay every trainer, expert, buy the books, search for the magic pills to take us back to that place we once were. This only damages our metabolism even further since it is harder to recover from these bouts as we get older and older. We all are aging people...no exemptions!

However, it's never hopeless because anyone can increase and repair their metabolism with safe natural methods and a few safe vitamins and supplements. Most people get an immediate boost in their metabolic rate when they start the Accelerator Program. The pre cleanse I suggest in the beginning is very important. If you have eaten a ton of toxic foods and did not cleanse your liver and digestive tract, your body is clogged and the cells will be hard to revitalize. The cells are where we get energy from. We need optimum energy in order to perform best when training. If we do not get the vital nutrients, we will lack the energy needed to deal with the stress of exercise and our systems will not react the same. It is all tied together.

However, you need to understand that results will take time and will not be extreme. You can opt for those programs, but they will backfire and you will have wasted your money and time once again. They are not going to come overnight, although the urgency is to get there. If you have something specific you are targeting like an event, plan at least 12 weeks ahead. To lose 15-24 lbs I suggest 12 weeks minimum for 30-48lbs, you can count on 24 weeks. This is realistic, doable and the body will progress the way it should without more damage to the metabolism.

Within 3 weeks of starting the program, your metabolism will be more efficient and within 6 to 8 weeks it will be burning hot. After 12 weeks of consistent effort, following the strategies I teach you, your metabolism will become a turbo charged and your results will happen. Most wind up looking and feeling the best they ever have.

The basics for boosting your metabolism is consistency with these guidelines below. You need to apply a fat burning meal and exercise plan daily! And you do get cheat meals. I was looking at websites and information online and found key things that most expert agree will help the metabolism along:

This includes:

• Meal Frequency: eat 5 to 6 small meals every day.
• Meal Timing: eat about every 3 hours, with a big breakfast and substantial post-workout meal.
• Adequate Caloric Intake: maintain a small calorie deficit and avoid starvation (safe levels for fat loss: 2100 to 2500 calories a day for men, 1400 to 1800 calories a day for women; adjustable as needed) are the most optimal calorie levels to repair metabolic damage. I use a zig zagged or calorie rotational approach to eating. This varies per person and is based on their activity levels.
• Food Selection: Choose natural and unprocessed foods that have a high thermic effect. Food such as lean proteins - chicken, turkey, egg whites and fish - are highly thermic, as are all green vegetables and other fibrous carbs.
• Cardio Training: Raise your cardio intensity if you want to get a metabolic boost. Walking and low intensity cardio is OK, but higher intensity has a much better metabolism-stimulating effect and helps to repair metabolic damage.
• Weight Training: The best exercises are ones that work the largest muscle groups and work the entire body. These include: all types of squats (fron and split), deadlifts, overhead presses, all kinds of rows and core exercises. These complex movements have a much greater metabolism stimulating effect than isolation exercises such as concentration curls or calf raises, for example.

The weight training compenent is very important and is mandatory with the Accelerator Program. If you really are a beginner with weights, I suggest you start with synergystics, which is resistance training without weights through yoga, pilates, bands and a variety of balls.

"Men usually don't have a problem with weight training, but I still hear many women say they don't like lifting weights as part of their fat loss program. Well, all I can say is that those who don't lift weights can expect to have a very long road to metabolic recovery", says Tom Venuto, who created his own Burn the Fat program.

Repair Metabolic Damage - Consistency Is The Key
Nothing undermines the process of re-building your metabolism like inconsistency. If you stop and start, skip meals and workouts often, you won't even get the ball rolling.

There are ways to get your metabolism revving and keep you not only burning hot, but looking hot through all decades of your life. You cannot do this if you miss meals, go on extreme programs that have you taking things that create a look for you that you can not maintain without. You need to make your meals, not a weight loss company! Your workouts need to be consistent and varied in intensity. Not everyday should be a hard charging day or your body adapts and you will have trouble getting results.

All of this takes a mental commitment to your long term health and well being. The show in life must go on...the limelight on stage is not as bright as it looks. Be wise about who you work with and educate yourself about the business of nutrition. Most supplements are really inconclusive, not FDA approved and are going to cause damage to either your liver, kidney, heart or adrenals. You should be supervised by a doctor if you really are not seeing results and your health is at risk from being overweight. If you do want to the limelight of having a great body, I highly suggestion that you do it with integrity and don't let anyone convince you otherwise!

Note from Michelle:  If you're interested in taking off fat and repairing metabolic damage in a healthy and sensible way, while keeping all your muscle and increasing your metabolism, then my Burn the Fat, Feed The Muscle Accelerator program can teach you how. There's no gimmicks or false promises, just the plain truth - you have to work at it and be patient!  

Fight Night, Fight for Chidren Charity...all the legends of boxing were there and I was one of the only three ring girls selected for 3 years in a row! Great event. Lots of celebrities and prestigious people attend.

If you are not seeing results after making a lot of effort, you may suffer from Metabolic Damage. This can be caused by supplements (especially fat burners), extreme or fad diets and over training. 

Himalayan Crystal Salt: The "White Gold" of salts

Do you miss salt or need to cut back? The good news is, you do not have to. Not getting enough salt in your body can actually cause adverse side effects. It can cause a drop in potassium and can lead to a heart attack or other reasons for hospitalization. We need some salt in our body, especially when we are exercising or doing a rigorous sport that causes us to sweat a lot. A good rule of thumb is to replace electrolytes, including salt, when doing exercise for more than one hour. Sports drinks are somewhat of a solution, but are often loaded with sugar and the bad type of salt. I suggest you purchase Himalayan salt immediately if you are an active person.

There is one salt that is superior to all other salts and is beneficial for your health. Traditional salt is extremely toxic. Found in the sacred Himalayan mountains, this crystalized salt is millions of years old. It is a purest form of salt, untouched by pollutants and toxins that pervade other forms of sea and table salts.

It is known as the “white gold,” in the Himalayan's and this salt, has over 84 natural minerals and elements found in the human body. This crystal form of salt has also been maturing over the past 250 million years under intense tectonic pressure, creating an environment of zero exposure to toxins and impurities.

This salt has a unique cellular structure allowing it to actually store vibrational energy. This is why this salt makes amazing lamps. When the heat lights up the lamp, it sends this vibration out into the environment. Its minerals exist in a colloidal form, meaning that they are tiny enough for our cells to easily absorb them. I have found these lamps available online or in stores like 10,000 Villages (online or find a store near you).

Himalayan Crystal Salt: The Health Benefits

The health benefits of using natural Himalayan Crystal Salt may include:
Controlling the water levels within the body, regulating them for proper functioning
Promoting stable pH balance in the cells, including the brain.
Encouraging excellent blood sugar health
Aiding in reducing the common signs of aging
Promoting cellular hydroelectric energy creation
Promoting the increased absorption capacities of food elements within the intestinal tract
Aiding vascular health
Supporting healthy respiratory function
Lowering incidence of sinus problems, and promoting over-all sinus health
Reducing muscle cramps
Increasing bone strength
Naturally promoting healthy sleep patterns
Creating a healthy libido
In combination with water, it is necessary for blood pressure regulation
Prevents cellulite, when compared to table salt
Reduces chances of developing rheumatism, arthritis and gout, when compared to common chemically-treated salt
Reduces chances of developing kidney and gall bladder stones when compared to common chemically-treated salt

Standard Table Salt will destroy your health: Never use it
Many people are unaware that common table salt is actually full of many forms of chemicals and even sugar! Salt, while necessary for life as we know it, can be dangerous if taken in this chemical form.

Commonly sold table salt is composed of 97.5% sodium chloride and 2.5% chemicals like iodine and absorbents, and sugar. Common salt is also dried at more than 1,200° Fahrenheit, a process which zaps many of the natural chemical structures of naturally-occuring salt.

The table and cooking salt found in most homes, restaurants, and all processed foods, is empty of any nutritional value. It is lacking in the precious trace minerals that make salt good for us. After processing, salt is basically sodium chloride, an unnatural chemical type of salt that our body actually sees as a foreign toxic invader!
When we ingest this type of salt, our body cannot dispose of it in a natural, healthy way. This can lead to inflammation of the tissues, water retention and high blood pressure over time.

Furthermore, processed salt crystals are also energetically dead, as their crystals are completely isolated from one another. In order for our body to metabolize chemical table salt, it must waste tremendous amounts of energy to try to keep the body at its optimum fluid balance. This creates an unnecessary burdening of the elimination systems in the body. Water is also removed from other cells in the system in an attempt to neutralize the unnatural sodium chloride.

Studies show that for each gram of table salt that your system cannot process, your body will use over twenty times the amount of cellular water to neutralize the sodium chloride in chemically-treated salt.

This can lead to water retention, cellulite, rheumatism, arthritis, gout, as well as kidney and gallbladder stones. With the knowledge that the everyday American eats about 5,000 mg of sodium chloride a day, it is clear that the issue is serious and needs to be adressed.

Choosing to use Himalayan Salt as an alternative can have a big impact on your total health and well-being. I only use and recommend the Original Himalayan Crystal Salt from the Psymphony company.

Even before the modern drugs were formulated, salt was already used by many homes to combat certain symptoms. The Himalayan salt provides beneficial all natural, free-harsh chemical remedies for different body condition.

Sole (so-lay), which is the mixture of crystal salt and water is the called the soup of life. The German word sole came from the Latin word sol, which means the sun. So the brine solution is the fluid state of the sun or light energy. In this combination, balance is being achieved since the positive ions of the water surround the negative ions of the water and the negative ions surround the positive ions of the water. This causes the molecules to be hydrolyzed. This brine solution creates a 24-hour profound vibration to the body. The sole will bring back this energy pattern in our body that is decreasing when one is sick.

To create your own sole, loosely fill a glass with several Himalayan crystal salts. Then completely fill the glass with good spring water. Check if the crystals have been dissolved completely. If the crystals were dissolved, add some more crystal. You can be sure that the brine is already ready to be used when the water is no longer dissolving the crystals and they settle at the bottom of the glass. You can take one teaspoon full of the sole with 250 ml of water every morning with an empty stomach.

The brine solution provides a detoxifying effect on the body. For the skin, it helps minerals to be penetrated easily.
Here are the many uses of the Himalayan salt sole to provide natural remedy to the body.

1. Dental Hygiene. You can use the brine (undiluted) when brushing your teeth. You can also use it as a mouthwash. The solution prevents gum bleeding and bad breath.

2.Ear Infections. Using sole as eardrops will help in curing ear infections.

3.Acne. To lessen the acne, use a brine facial wash. To use Himalayan salt as face or body scrub, just mix the salt with a fragrance free, organic soap.

4.Foot Fungus. Soak your feet with the brine solution and see the difference.

5.Psoriasis. Take brine solution to the affected skin area and rub. Then allow the brine to dry.

6.Motion Sickness. To get the energetic balancing properties of the salt, make a pouch of salt and wear it around your neck.

7.Sore Throats. Gargle with warm sole solution. Don’t swallow the solution. This will ease your sore throat.

8.Balance Body PH factor. The sole helps in maintaining a balanced ph factor for the body. It can help in eliminating heavy metals in the body. Some of these metals are lead, arsenic, mercury and calcium. The salt has the ability to dissolve their molecular structures.

9.Menstrual complaints. If you are experiencing menstrual cramps, use a warm salt sachet for 30minutes. You can also get a cloth and dip it on the sole. Wring and put the cloth on your abdomen. Then cover it with towel and put a hot water bottle. Allow this for 30 minutes to get rid of the cramps.

10.Headaches. Use concentrated sole solution to massage the head and neck. For severe headaches, you can also apply a cold compress by combining1 teaspoon of sole to 1 tablespoons of cold water. Change as necessary.

11.Chronic Respiratory Illness. Asthma, sinusitis and bronchitis can be treated with brine inhalation therapy. Head a pot and add a minimum of 0.7 of salt with the boiling water. Cover your head with a towel and breathe in the brine steam. Do this for 10 to 15 minutes. The pollutants will be coughed out in about 30 minutes from inhaling the brine solution.

The solution also cures other skin irritations. It can also be used for other post-operative care, rheumatism, joint ailments and insect bites or wounds. It can also be used as sole bath. This will reactivate the body’s ability for self-healing and body’s electric current.

In the Washington DC area, look for Himalayan salt at the Apothecary Pharmacy on Cedar Lane in Bethesda or check with the Vitamin Store, GNC and/or Whole Foods. Replace all salt with this highly beneficial substitute. Lamps are found at 10,000 Villages. I bought mine in the Rockville Town Center location.

Himalayan Salt comes in many forms

Exercise Plan - Abdominal Workouts on a Swiss Ball

Exercise Plan - How to Get Six-Pack Abs

Is Stress Eating You

Americans are more stressed than ever. A 2008 survey by the American Psychological Association (APA) showed that 80% of American's have anxiety over money alone, due to the economy. Older Americans have big concerns now related to their retirement benefits and how they will survive the rest of their lives without work. Stress has a direct effect on our heart as well. The good news is that staying physically active, eating well and eliminating toxins can have big payoffs and possibly prevent a very serious illness or heart attack.

Everyone experiences stress at some point. We feel stress on many levels, whether it be emotional strain, physical tension or financial distress. Stress affects us in negative and positive ways. When it comes to gaining muscle, we want some stress on our muscles in order for them to tear, grown and change. This is a positive type of stress, unless we over train our muscles and fatigue them to a point we end up injured. Mentally, if we are under too much stress, the side effect is a lack of focus and it causes our minds to go haywire. In turn, our bodies are also directly affected in negative ways, by how we cope with stress in our life. This is the whole foundation to "mind body" thinking and workouts.

The trick is learning to not let stress eat at you, but for you to learn how to eat in a way that supports your energy levels and ensures you have the nutrients to cope with stress. Stress has a direct impact on all of our vital systems; however, food can directly affect our endocrine system, which regulates our hormones and blind side us because we can't even see how many toxins unless on a label, are sneaking in. These toxins, effect our endocrine systems quickly and they directly affect our metabolism; energy levels and our ability to operate at peak performance.

Behavior wise, we are a society now riddled with our impulsivities. We want instant gratification and feel a sense of urgency and panic around our schedules, personal and financial lives. We are used to rushing through EVERYTHING and lack coping skills when patience is required. We do not take the time to regroup and connect with our body or mind to feel into where we are at in the moment. We barely are able to spend time with the people we want or do the things we love. All because of our nose to the grindstone mentality. We wonder why we constantly come up empty? How many of us want to scream ERASE, UNWIND or WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? We become numb and disassociate from ourselves. There are times I have definately woken up going who the HELL WAS THAT? That wasn't me. We do so many ineffective, destructive and nutty things when stress roars its ugly head in our face. We run, yell, meltdown, drink, smoke, eat crappy, cheat, lie, steal...when we really need to STOP, LOOK, LISTEN and DEAL with the unpleasant sensations it gives us. We need perspective. Stress paralyzes me. I take time out to just lie immediately down on my bed in a zone, I light insense and just let it all happen with some deep breaths for 15mins - yes, at times, I just fall asleep for 2 hours. All depends on what my body needs that day. If I can't do this, then I just sit where I am settle into my body, reconnect and breath. It is like magic how quickly this makes a difference. I especially do this on days, I have NO ENERGY TO WORKOUT.  This little bit of downtown makes all the difference.

 Like a car, if we are running on empty, we will break down. We must take moments to refuel mentally, physically and emotionally. We have to feed our bodies vital nutrients to ensure we have energy and stamina to deal with the stressors that this day and age automatically has put on us. We have more responsibility and bills to pay than ever. We must have health insurance, car insurance, a car, a home, electric, groceries, gas, clothing and much more. Many of us feel the need to keep up a presentation that we are always on top of our game, when we are really struggling on the inside with exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed, in debt, anxiety, fear, weight gain or loss. All this is in order to keep up with "the Jone's" so to speak. We put so much pressure on ourselves on top of the pressure we feel with the economy due to society’s expectations.

I see my daughter daily going through her own dose of it. Wake up early, school, soccer practice, games, more soccer practice, and homework, keeping up with friends and trying to go to bed at a decent time. We already have our children pressured to get to the best schools requiring them to study, study, study, do chores, prepare for and take tests, write college essays, eat well, exercise and be pleasant. Most kids can barely find time to eat themselves or have access to quick healthy foods. We wonder why so many kids are moody, obese and diagnosed with ADD. So much of that can be linked directly to eating and the lifestyle of the parents. We are feeding our kids garbage. READ THE LABELS. How can they cope with life, manage their bodies, deal with stress without sleep, proper nutrition and breaks throughout the day. I can't imagine that with our example and these schedules kids are burdened with now a days,  do not give our kids the feeling of inadequacy and their systems are on overload. This is how people are set up for coping with addictions, anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, exhaustion, crankiness from fatigue and over/under eating. Is this what we want our kids to experience in life? Not to have a life and that we have to work, work, work!!!

No one can effectively and safely go on and on with these daily ruts. We are seeing how yoga, meditation and the healing arts are making a comeback and are widely spreading. This new wave is a direct result of people having meltdowns and trying to avoid taking every pill or supplement under the sun to cope. We are looking for natural and simple ways to purify our bodies and our lives so we can comeback to self. We are learning the negative effects of inorganic food. We know now that everything we put in or on our bodies, breath in and experience in life can cause inflammation and storage of toxins that will begin to deteriorate our system. This is no longer considered "new age" stuff, but the wave of our future. We know if we continue to live this way, we will not live life as fully or as long.

Here are ways you can safeguard yourself against a drop in serotonin (mood elevating hormones) so that you stay feeling good and balance your lifestyle in a way that supports your energy systems. Think about the game of domino’s. A drop in serotonin can cause you to crave certain foods and can throw all of your bodies systems off balance. We can manipulate our energy systems for when we need it and when we need to take our energy down in order to recover, get perspective, refuel, unwind, escape.

1. Eat every 2.5-3 Hours to ensure your insulin levels stay balanced.
2. The less sugar you consume the better. Don't be fooled by what has sugar, even colorful veggies have sugar. Learn about fibrous carbs that have a lower glycemic level.  Only eat high glycemic index sugars after an activity or when your sugar levels feel low.
3. Drink lots of water. Water nourishes the cells and keeps nutrients moving through the body fluidly. Limit caffeine.
4. Get lots of antioxidants and phytogens found in colorful fruit and veggies, but earlier in the day so that the sugars in those can be utilized for energy and not stored to fat.
5. Stay active and do exercise. Try not to overtrain or exercise, that puts stress on the body and impacts it negatively. Limit your exercise time to one hour. High intensity workouts should last 20-30 mins only. Workouts should energize, not fatigue you to a point of struggling through the your daily routine.
6. Do Yoga and Meditation, take naps for 20-30 mins to refuel, relax in a bathtub, do some uneducational reading. Get massages regularly or learn how to self massage your neck, head, hands and feet.
7. Get out of the habit of overloading your schedule. At what point is being super busy, super bad for your body and super overcompensating for a lack of something else. Learn to schedule in time for yourself first and work your appointments in around that, you will be surprised at how this really is possible.
8. Eat foods that have tryptophan, such as turkey and dairy products. This hormone is linked directly to serotonin. This will help your body relax naturally.
9. Lower your calories. Never go under your Resting Metabolic Rate (RMR), but do not overeat at meals or special occasions. This stresses the digestive system. Lowering calories will give you more energy.
10. Get 8 hours of quality sleep. If you have trouble sleeping for more than a few weeks. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Go see a doctor or get an herbal supplement. Losing sleep is detrimental to you on every level.
11. BE AUTHENTIC – do you! Be honest about where you are at and push yourself just enough that you make progress. You can not cheat your body or your mind. It will let you know it!

By learning how to balance our lives, we are supporting our overall health and well being. We will not only gain a sense of equilibrium and the ability to focus better, but we will also feel a profound sense of freedom that we lacked when stressed and anxious. When we eliminate the negative stress, we become more present in the things we strive to achieve, our daily activities, for friends and family. We in turn perform better and are more effective in all areas of our lives. Simple modifications to our eating and exercise habits can set the tone for a more organized, in control, less chaotic existence. When we run around like gooses with our heads chopped off, competing with the world around us, we are most likely going to fail or possibly achieve our dreams only for them to be short lived by our own demise. Eat to unwind and you will find your true calling, live peacefully and fall in love with life! Eliminating the negative stressors, that begin in your own mind is like a rebirth full of new perspective!

Change your Defaults: The Secret to Developing Self Confidence

Experience tells us what to do and what not to do and confidence allows us to do it or do the unthinkable with no regrets. When we don't have confidence we live in the spiral of our fears and those fears can take a negative toll and control our life. We need to take care of our personal welfare, which is a lot like spiritual warefare and stamp out negative forces.

The secret to successfully doing this is to start by cleaning up unfinished business. This does not mean you need to go backwards and revisit bad relationships. The only bad relationship you need to relook at is the one you have with yourself. It is time to take a hard look at your life choices. It's not about what your parents did and how they did it. This is not a blame game. This is about you and WHY you haven been a poor decision maker. Maybe, the truth is there are truths about you that you are neglecting to face. Growing up in Los Angeles, I could never understand why I liked changing my residence, my job and people in my life. I was never good at staying in a long term relationship. I knew it made me look unstable compared to my other family members here in Maryland. They worked for the government, held down the same job and relationships for many years. They never seemed to move. Before going to college, I met with a college advisor here who had me do the Briggs-Meyers Personality Test. I was so relieved when she told me that the best jobs for me involved variety, creativity and change of scenery. This is exactly why my career in the health and fitness industry is perfect for me. It offers me things that compliment my personality. Working in Corporate America for many years had me feeling like a monkey in a cage. I was so suppressed and bored.

We make all kinds of excuses about ourselves and others. We know when we have gone down the beaten path that is only going to beat us up and make us question our judgment, our sanity and our entire being - yet we create so much drama around how we have to dig ourselves out of our own pile of crap.  I spent years hooked into the syndrome of choosing situations that did not fit me. This included men who were a mess and who had some serious problems and were not ready for me. I actual had a boyfriend who was "Full of (SH-T)" for Halloween. He had fake poop all over him and dressed in brown.  It was this very boyfriend who I CHOSE to be with over a pretty accomplished guy (a navy seal) because I thought in my warped mind, I had a purpose to save him from his own demons. The Navy Seal may have not been ready for a commitment, but he was at least honest and didn't hide his intentions nor did he have addictions. The result of my need to be needed by someone needy was I nearly got shot, stabbed and killed. I was having panic attacks galore and knew I could not trust this person. Once he came into my life, I could not get rid of him. It was a horrible time in my life. It was also a turning point for me. Who told me I was John of Arc and had Christian Super Powers bigger than god to chase his demons away? Some warped voice in my head that would like to be so mighty and being a Christian I thought you have an obligation to not abandon people and help them through their darkest moments.

WE are our worst enemies; we lie to and sabotage ourselves. No one is doing this to us. We create a life full of suffering, create negative results and hold others accountable for the fact we lack enough confidence to set things up differently. We stay being mediocre and act as though we have no control over our lives. We give the key to others who are not deserving. We blame our depression and addictions on them. We are much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. I am not sure why we dim the light inside of us. I'm guessing it is just safer and helps us fit in to what we associate as "normal" or will give us the most acceptance. I think we fear something as simple as admitting we have outgrown something, which once served us. We don't like to abandon people or leave them because have a soft spot for how vulnerable human beings can be. It is important to practice LOVING DETACHMENT. This means, you can have that soft spot, but at a distance. You need to step away from people who are destructive.

Use resources such as therapy, spiritual guidance, meditations, books, yoga and spiritual gurus. If you are not making consistent progress with something, it is not anything but you who is not integrating it. It is the same as diets. You have to take an action for a new reaction. When I went to the Woman's Business Conference recently, Sam Horn said something very powerful. She said, "we must change our defaults". This means if you always go right, try left and discover something new. Get out of your comfort zone. Comfort zones are the traps. I never let myself get too comfortable in any situation. In fact, I have deliberately muddied the waters when I am in that place. I don't believe it is safe because change is always on the horizon. I have developed a tiger like resilience to survive in this ever changing world. The best gift we can give our children is teaching them how to cope with consequence, change, people and the world around them.  How do you know what different will be like if you don't take a risk to try it!

It is the AHA moment when something mystical something magical can take place and your light can shine. It is that very moment you know you are going to be different from this point on! Sometimes we just need a description of how it will look or work. We aren't clear on how it will fit into our lives. We may need some ideas. You may find this watching a motivational speaker, writing in your journal, talking to a friend, witnessing an accident, climbing a mountain, or like me realizing what it takes to care for a child. For me it began with the birth of my daughter.

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and not getting a different result. Only repeat things that are positive reinforcements. Let go of things that have negative consequences. I love the book "Who Moved The Cheese". This is for those who are stuck in habits and do not recognize things have to change. See life as an experiment to figure out what will and won't work for you. We stereotype, judge and expect things to look and be a certain way. This stunts our perceptions and opportunities tremendously and shuts us off from things that actually could make us very happy. There are many times in my life that I may not have followed through on something because of someone else’s jealousies or fears. People are going to be uprooted by some of the things you decide to do. Still do it!

Our lifestyle, the people in it, our bodies, our choices - OUR LIFE may be lead by higher powers, but overall it is your palette to paint, create, explore all the colorful things life has to offer. All the people and things I have experienced taught me a lot about myself. They are stepping-stones. Relationships can take many interesting forms at interesting times in our lives. There was a time in my life I got over myself and my own WA WA WA's! I spent some time with some real dirty rats, but it was the energy in me that was a feeding ground for them. No one could make sense of it, not even me. It took going to a spiritual advisor to learn the tools to shift this energy and attract the very things I needed in my life. Now my life is full of synchronicity. I  stopped analyzing it and realized all I had to do is look at it and say, is this really how I want to feel? Feeling bad can cause your body to shut down and all types of dysfunction. Once I made up my mind, within nanoseconds,  in came who is now my fiancé. I was at a friends BBQ.  My friends wanted to set me up with a guy who was way too young for me and the type of guy all the girls chased. After spending time talking to him, I realized we have nothing in common and I am not going to do this dance again. I saw a guy making drinks for fun at the party and I pointed at a watermelon and said, "wouldn't it be great, if someone could carve that watermelon and make drinks with it". Shortly after I was tapped on the shoulder and turned around to see this sweet soul had taken a plastic knife and carved the hell out of that thing. I was so impressed at what he did that when he asked me for my phone number, I was excited to offer it. He had the profile of a decent guy and his friends gave him good P. R. when I asked, "what about this guy? He has a son, I have a daughter, good job and humble". He was not my bad boy type, but it was this one sweet gesture that won me over. It spoke volumes to me about his pleasing personality and creativity. Our first date was two days later and instead of flowers, he brought me a baby watermelon. Now we are engaged. Once I changed my mind about what type of guy would make a good companion, the world and view around me changed. I no longer find the bad boys hot. In fact, if I were single again they would scare me off. Cockiness is not confidence it is obnoxious. That one moment accelerated me back to being a confident self assured woman and all kinds of doors began to open and the angels were singing once again!

Some of the things that hold us back from the confidence factor, has to do with the very choices we make everyday and how we interpret our decisions. We cannot lie to ourselves because our body will let us know and our mind will weaken. Poor decisions lead to poor results in life that lead us to nothing but low self esteem which cyclically leads to more bad choices, to a very sad life and outlook on it. This is how people wind up suicidal, mentally breaking down, in mediocre lives, living fantasies because they can't face reality, daydreaming about the what ifs. Every decision we make has a positive or negative consequence. Behavior breeds behavior. The people in our lives reflect back to us where we are at with ourselves. We need to pause before we leap, don't always be so quick.

We have to stop being paralyzed by our fears. Even the handicap under all types of circumstances have done and become great things despite what others may view as a bad end of the deal. Magically, I have treaded water many times in my life, but right in the nick of time, down floats the life raft. I just wave and shout thanks God, I knew I could count on you! There is something so awesome about knowing that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, the key is to relax and accept where you are at. Of course, during these times I am wiping my head full of sweat and saying "holy crap it worked schwew! There are times I could lose my equilibrium and I have almost drown out there, but it is this undying faith I have in myself and a higher power that gives me enormous trust in things. I believe all things and people have purpose and a reason in my life. I find it interesting who comes in and who goes out. I enjoy the experience of life as a whole.  It can get hairy at times, but we can survive and rebuild our foundations. There is a lot to say for structural integrity.

When you take care of your own personal welfare, I guarantee you will be gifted with what you really deserve. Life just hands you what you need. You will see glimpses of this in the oddest places and times. (Money was getting low right as rent was due and an unexpected check arrived in the mail. A call from a friend who just reminds you of the old you and how great you once were. A client gives you tickets for that game you wanted to go to because he can't go.) I call these moments confirmations. Confidence is a sense of beingness that gives a message of I trust life and I trust myself. I'm grounded.There are many real people that have this je ne se quoi about them. This thing that exudes something special that we would love to embrace in ourselves. This quality makes people interested in who you are. By living your life authentically and of integrity you will receive the blessing of equilibrium. No one, but you holds you back from living the life YOU CHOOSE. You will be rewarded when you are in alignment with yourself and do the right things and when you don't, well, the laws of karma are real.

Do you now see how facing your fears is actually the heart of what develops confidence? I am a testimonial to this and can tell you where I am today is a much more peaceful place. Everyone notices. Obstacles now excite me because I know they can be worked with creatively. It is your time to shine. We are all equal and all capable of reaching our full potential. We don't know if we have tomorrow. Confidently go towards your dreams and make them a reality.