Experience tells us what to do and what not to do and confidence allows us to do it or do the unthinkable with no regrets. When we don't have confidence we live in the spiral of our fears and those fears can take a negative toll and control our life. We need to take care of our personal welfare, which is a lot like spiritual warefare and stamp out negative forces.
The secret to successfully doing this is to start by cleaning up unfinished business. This does not mean you need to go backwards and revisit bad relationships. The only bad relationship you need to relook at is the one you have with yourself. It is time to take a hard look at your life choices. It's not about what your parents did and how they did it. This is not a blame game. This is about you and WHY you haven been a poor decision maker. Maybe, the truth is there are truths about you that you are neglecting to face. Growing up in Los Angeles, I could never understand why I liked changing my residence, my job and people in my life. I was never good at staying in a long term relationship. I knew it made me look unstable compared to my other family members here in Maryland. They worked for the government, held down the same job and relationships for many years. They never seemed to move. Before going to college, I met with a college advisor here who had me do the Briggs-Meyers Personality Test. I was so relieved when she told me that the best jobs for me involved variety, creativity and change of scenery. This is exactly why my career in the health and fitness industry is perfect for me. It offers me things that compliment my personality. Working in Corporate America for many years had me feeling like a monkey in a cage. I was so suppressed and bored.
We make all kinds of excuses about ourselves and others. We know when we have gone down the beaten path that is only going to beat us up and make us question our judgment, our sanity and our entire being - yet we create so much drama around how we have to dig ourselves out of our own pile of crap. I spent years hooked into the syndrome of choosing situations that did not fit me. This included men who were a mess and who had some serious problems and were not ready for me. I actual had a boyfriend who was "Full of (SH-T)" for Halloween. He had fake poop all over him and dressed in brown. It was this very boyfriend who I CHOSE to be with over a pretty accomplished guy (a navy seal) because I thought in my warped mind, I had a purpose to save him from his own demons. The Navy Seal may have not been ready for a commitment, but he was at least honest and didn't hide his intentions nor did he have addictions. The result of my need to be needed by someone needy was I nearly got shot, stabbed and killed. I was having panic attacks galore and knew I could not trust this person. Once he came into my life, I could not get rid of him. It was a horrible time in my life. It was also a turning point for me. Who told me I was John of Arc and had Christian Super Powers bigger than god to chase his demons away? Some warped voice in my head that would like to be so mighty and being a Christian I thought you have an obligation to not abandon people and help them through their darkest moments.
WE are our worst enemies; we lie to and sabotage ourselves. No one is doing this to us. We create a life full of suffering, create negative results and hold others accountable for the fact we lack enough confidence to set things up differently. We stay being mediocre and act as though we have no control over our lives. We give the key to others who are not deserving. We blame our depression and addictions on them. We are much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. I am not sure why we dim the light inside of us. I'm guessing it is just safer and helps us fit in to what we associate as "normal" or will give us the most acceptance. I think we fear something as simple as admitting we have outgrown something, which once served us. We don't like to abandon people or leave them because have a soft spot for how vulnerable human beings can be. It is important to practice LOVING DETACHMENT. This means, you can have that soft spot, but at a distance. You need to step away from people who are destructive.
Use resources such as therapy, spiritual guidance, meditations, books, yoga and spiritual gurus. If you are not making consistent progress with something, it is not anything but you who is not integrating it. It is the same as diets. You have to take an action for a new reaction. When I went to the Woman's Business Conference recently, Sam Horn said something very powerful. She said, "we must change our defaults". This means if you always go right, try left and discover something new. Get out of your comfort zone. Comfort zones are the traps. I never let myself get too comfortable in any situation. In fact, I have deliberately muddied the waters when I am in that place. I don't believe it is safe because change is always on the horizon. I have developed a tiger like resilience to survive in this ever changing world. The best gift we can give our children is teaching them how to cope with consequence, change, people and the world around them. How do you know what different will be like if you don't take a risk to try it!
It is the AHA moment when something mystical something magical can take place and your light can shine. It is that very moment you know you are going to be different from this point on! Sometimes we just need a description of how it will look or work. We aren't clear on how it will fit into our lives. We may need some ideas. You may find this watching a motivational speaker, writing in your journal, talking to a friend, witnessing an accident, climbing a mountain, or like me realizing what it takes to care for a child. For me it began with the birth of my daughter.
What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and not getting a different result. Only repeat things that are positive reinforcements. Let go of things that have negative consequences. I love the book "Who Moved The Cheese". This is for those who are stuck in habits and do not recognize things have to change. See life as an experiment to figure out what will and won't work for you. We stereotype, judge and expect things to look and be a certain way. This stunts our perceptions and opportunities tremendously and shuts us off from things that actually could make us very happy. There are many times in my life that I may not have followed through on something because of someone else’s jealousies or fears. People are going to be uprooted by some of the things you decide to do. Still do it!
Our lifestyle, the people in it, our bodies, our choices - OUR LIFE may be lead by higher powers, but overall it is your palette to paint, create, explore all the colorful things life has to offer. All the people and things I have experienced taught me a lot about myself. They are stepping-stones. Relationships can take many interesting forms at interesting times in our lives. There was a time in my life I got over myself and my own WA WA WA's! I spent some time with some real dirty rats, but it was the energy in me that was a feeding ground for them. No one could make sense of it, not even me. It took going to a spiritual advisor to learn the tools to shift this energy and attract the very things I needed in my life. Now my life is full of synchronicity. I stopped analyzing it and realized all I had to do is look at it and say, is this really how I want to feel? Feeling bad can cause your body to shut down and all types of dysfunction. Once I made up my mind, within nanoseconds, in came who is now my fiancé. I was at a friends BBQ. My friends wanted to set me up with a guy who was way too young for me and the type of guy all the girls chased. After spending time talking to him, I realized we have nothing in common and I am not going to do this dance again. I saw a guy making drinks for fun at the party and I pointed at a watermelon and said, "wouldn't it be great, if someone could carve that watermelon and make drinks with it". Shortly after I was tapped on the shoulder and turned around to see this sweet soul had taken a plastic knife and carved the hell out of that thing. I was so impressed at what he did that when he asked me for my phone number, I was excited to offer it. He had the profile of a decent guy and his friends gave him good P. R. when I asked, "what about this guy? He has a son, I have a daughter, good job and humble". He was not my bad boy type, but it was this one sweet gesture that won me over. It spoke volumes to me about his pleasing personality and creativity. Our first date was two days later and instead of flowers, he brought me a baby watermelon. Now we are engaged. Once I changed my mind about what type of guy would make a good companion, the world and view around me changed. I no longer find the bad boys hot. In fact, if I were single again they would scare me off. Cockiness is not confidence it is obnoxious. That one moment accelerated me back to being a confident self assured woman and all kinds of doors began to open and the angels were singing once again!
Some of the things that hold us back from the confidence factor, has to do with the very choices we make everyday and how we interpret our decisions. We cannot lie to ourselves because our body will let us know and our mind will weaken. Poor decisions lead to poor results in life that lead us to nothing but low self esteem which cyclically leads to more bad choices, to a very sad life and outlook on it. This is how people wind up suicidal, mentally breaking down, in mediocre lives, living fantasies because they can't face reality, daydreaming about the what ifs. Every decision we make has a positive or negative consequence. Behavior breeds behavior. The people in our lives reflect back to us where we are at with ourselves. We need to pause before we leap, don't always be so quick.
We have to stop being paralyzed by our fears. Even the handicap under all types of circumstances have done and become great things despite what others may view as a bad end of the deal. Magically, I have treaded water many times in my life, but right in the nick of time, down floats the life raft. I just wave and shout thanks God, I knew I could count on you! There is something so awesome about knowing that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, the key is to relax and accept where you are at. Of course, during these times I am wiping my head full of sweat and saying "holy crap it worked schwew! There are times I could lose my equilibrium and I have almost drown out there, but it is this undying faith I have in myself and a higher power that gives me enormous trust in things. I believe all things and people have purpose and a reason in my life. I find it interesting who comes in and who goes out. I enjoy the experience of life as a whole. It can get hairy at times, but we can survive and rebuild our foundations. There is a lot to say for structural integrity.
When you take care of your own personal welfare, I guarantee you will be gifted with what you really deserve. Life just hands you what you need. You will see glimpses of this in the oddest places and times. (Money was getting low right as rent was due and an unexpected check arrived in the mail. A call from a friend who just reminds you of the old you and how great you once were. A client gives you tickets for that game you wanted to go to because he can't go.) I call these moments confirmations. Confidence is a sense of beingness that gives a message of I trust life and I trust myself. I'm grounded.There are many real people that have this je ne se quoi about them. This thing that exudes something special that we would love to embrace in ourselves. This quality makes people interested in who you are. By living your life authentically and of integrity you will receive the blessing of equilibrium. No one, but you holds you back from living the life YOU CHOOSE. You will be rewarded when you are in alignment with yourself and do the right things and when you don't, well, the laws of karma are real.
Do you now see how facing your fears is actually the heart of what develops confidence? I am a testimonial to this and can tell you where I am today is a much more peaceful place. Everyone notices. Obstacles now excite me because I know they can be worked with creatively. It is your time to shine. We are all equal and all capable of reaching our full potential. We don't know if we have tomorrow. Confidently go towards your dreams and make them a reality.
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